Room Of Horror
by SpecialAgentLeonie
Summary: (set in around season 4) As Tony goes to a family reunion, he had not thought that he would see his father show up. When history repeats itself Tony is left to go through that hurt all over again. Hopefully this time, he trusts his friends enough to let them into his past. (Warning! Tiva friendship, Tibbs Slash later on! Don't Like Don't read. Child abuse/ abuse rated: T/M)
1. Chapter 1

_**Hi guys! :D So this is my (Little AU) story of Tony's relationship with his father. It's maybe the same as we thought he had before we came to know Senior and how others think about how their relationship was, but it's my version and i hope you like it! **_

_**Later on we'll have SLASH so you are warned. Don't Like Don't Read as simple is that! It's between T rated and M rated. like 16+ **_

_**Hope you like this first chapter! if you do the next will be up, next week. **_

_**Enjoy your reading! :)**_

* * *

Anthony DiNozzo Jr. The class— or _bullpen_ clown as Ziva put it. Always full of jokes and pranks and the big grin in his face. The womanizer every girl loved. Never takes life too seriously, until a case comes along. He could separate those two so well. It was like a whole other person. Who would have thought that the serious, determent SFA and the clown, were only 2 out of three masks that Tony had? It wasn't like that he was another person. He just... hid some facts about himself.

Tony was standing in front of the mirror of the overly big and luxurious bathroom. Towel around his waist, he looked at the new bruises that were already forming over his chest, stomach, his side and face. How did it happen that even now, that he was a grown man, he still couldn't stand up against his own father and his cousins? ''_Or right.. they were with 3 three'' _He thought to himself. He didn't even remember how he ended up in his bedroom.

He just wanted to punch the wall so damn, but he knew that he couldn't make any kind of move like that. Hell he had trouble standing because of the pain that ran through his whole body.

This was really not the way he thought a family reunion would go. he didn't even know his father and his _noble slaves _were going to be here. They never did! But this weekend they did. It wasn't even that part of the family. This reunion was meant for his mother's family. _Her _sister, _her _mother, _her _cousins and aunts. Those family cousins he liked, _not _hated.

Why would his father show up now? In the house he sold to his mothers family, because he couldn't stand it. Not because his mother died and she loved that house. No. ''_This house is cursed, because you were born in this house, boy. That's why bad things happen_'' That was what he father had said. All those years ago. ''_The only reason why we stayed here, was because your mother didn't believe that! See what happened to her. Again something that is your fault, because you were born!_''

The worst part of it all? It happened in that same damned room! That room that it always happened. That room he hadn't seen in all 18 years! His fathers old office. Tony could still feel the stings on his back. He didn't even look at them and he wasn't going to look now. He knew how they looked like. He had seen them plenty enough when he was young.

Every 5 years his family would organize a reunion and not **once** had he been even close to that room.

Tony wanted to scream, so hard, and let it all out, but all he could do was grip the sink until his knuckles that he just cleaned from the blood turned white. He also wanted to cry, but he felt like he didn't have any tears left for to fall.

After what felt like an hour, what really was just 6 minutes, his grip loosened and all the anger left his body, leaving only pain and exhaustion. He slowly, limping went from his bathroom into his bedroom. He didn't even bother putting on sweats or anything else. He fell down onto the bed and let sleep over take him, while thinking back at the time in the office.

_**..Flashback..**_

_''Anthonio!'' A older woman exclaimed as Tony walked into the house. She went to him and wrapped her arms around him. The fact that she was two and a half heads smaller then he was, still amazed him._

_''Aunt Elda!'' Tony said with just as much excitement and hugged her back. Wait? What was she doing here? She's father's sister. ''What are you doing here!'' He asked as he pulled away._

_''Ah Anthonio. It is so nice to see you too! Aunt Chris invited me. She wanted so desperately to make peace between our two families''_

_''It's great to see you too. It's been a long time'' It really felt great to see her. She didn't do anything wrong and was always great family._

_''You've grown up to be such a handsome man!'' She said proudly as she took his face into her hands and checked him out._

_He laughed. ''And you are still that beautiful lady'' He grinned. His grin fell as realization hit him. ''But Chris called you? So Connor and Silvo are here too?'' As much as he loved his aunt. Those two were a total other story._

_''Sure they're here! You don't think I would leave my boys behind did you?'' Elda smiled. ''They have grown up, Anthonio'' He groaned. ''Antonio...'' She started but trailed off._

_Tony's eyes searched hers. And he saw that she was suddenly sad and he knew why. ''No... You've got to be kidding me!'' He exclaimed, stepping back. ''He's here too?'' Why! He wasn't even here for 10 minutes._

_''It was his house. He has the right to be here!'' Elda exclaimed._

_''No it isn't! It isn't even a DiNozzo house. It's from Chris. Why would she invite him.. wait.. why would he come?''_

_''I don't know. He said that he wanted to talk to you. Maybe he want to make peace'' Elda reasoned. She always had a soft spot for her little brother._

_Tony laughed out if frustration and shook his head. He kissed her forehead. ''I go say hello to the rest of the familia'' He said, trying his Italian accent._

_She laughed and patted his arm, before moving to someone else. Tony took a deep breath and also started walking, looking around. He didn't want to see Silvo, Connor or his father. This weekend just turned from a enjoying weekend with people he loved into a chase and run weekend with people he hated the most in the world._

**...**

_''You're still at NCIS, Tony?'' His younger cousin Miguel asked. People mistook him often for Tony himself. Could be his twin. Same brown hair, only it was longer, emerald green eyes, the slight tan. In the past they hung out with each other so much. Best friends. Went to the same school and hit on the same girls. Now Miquel was married, with Neela and had a 4 month year old daughter Angy._

_They sat on folding chairs in the living room. There were several groups of family who were talking._

_''Yup'' Tony said proudly and took a swig of his beer._

_''I still can't believe that you already work for them for 7 years'' Neela said. ''Other jobs you couldn't hold for two years._

_''I found the right family I guess'' Tony shrugged._

_''Are you saying that we aren't good enough for you'' Miguel asked, teasing._

_''_You_ guys are'' Tony laughed. ''And I'm was mostly excited to meet that little Bella of yours'' He said and made a face to the little girl. She made a uncertain face __and then began to giggle._

_''Did you do that trick on a older woman already? Maybe you wouldn't be single, by now'' Miguel laughed._

_''I'm not really a family person, Mike. You know that'' tony said. He really was, but he hadn't found a partner he deserved yet._

_''Speaking of family'' Neela said with a sad smile and pointed to the other side of the room._

_Tony turned to look what she was pointing at. All color left his face and the grip on the back of chair tightened, making his knuckles white. He saw his father coming into the living room. The only thing you could see that he was older, was because his hair was grayer and he had put on a little more weight. The noble slaves were on each side of him, as they were flirting with every woman in the room. that wasn't directly family for them._

_Tony closed his eyes for a moment, wishing that they went away, but when he opened his eyes again they only were closer._

_''I'll distract him for you Tony'' Miguel said with a sad smile. He knew about Tony's childhood. Tony had spent plenty of nights in his house, just wanting to be away from Senior before of after something had happened._

_Tony emptied his bottle of beer. ''Thanks. I owe you big time'' He stood up and gave Neela and Angy a kiss on their cheeks._

_''Don't worry about it, bro. I know your story'' Miguel reassured Tony._

_Tony smiled at him and made his way out of the room._

**...**

_Tony stood out of the balcony. It was attached to the hallway upstairs. He needed fresh air. It was already getting dark and he had avoided his father for 2 days now. Easier said than it was done. He hated this year. Now he was tired of running and he knew that the noble slaves would turn up behind him any moment._

_As he thought about it, he felt the presence of them._

_''Hi mud brain'' Silvo said._

_''Long time no see'' Connor said._

_''Aw did you guys miss me?'' Tony said as he turned and faced them._

_''Yeah we really missed our punching bag'' Connor said and pounded his fist hard against Tony's arm._

_Tony's face stiffened. But didn't show any sign, about that it effected him. ''Dammit, they grew up alright...'' He thought to himself._

_''Do you know who else, missed a pushing bag?'' Connor asked._

_''I already know that my father is here'' Tony coldly said._

_''Good! Then you don't mind coming with us'' Silvo smirked evilly. He and Connor both grabbed Tony into a headlock and dragged him with them. To their surprise he didn't even struggle against them._

_''Do I really have a choice?'' Tony asked weakly. He couldn't understand why he said that, neither did he know why he just went with them. It was as if body didn't work with his mind. He didn't want to see his father. He knew what was coming. He somewhere knew that now he was older he could fight them. But his body didn't seem to listen to anything he thought._

**...**

_''Ah, look who we have here'' Anthony DiNozzo Sr. said coldly with a big fake grin on his face. Silvo and Connor both stepped into the office and closed and locked the door behind them. The first thing that Tony noticed was that it was still the same. Nothing had changed. Not even moved. Apparently he wasn't the only one who was afraid to touch Seniors stuff. ''Don't you say hello to me boy? Show me some respect''_

_''Good evening, Sir'' Tony said quietly. Tony felt like he was ten again. His voice and body language was small._

_''Found him in the balcony, Sir'' Silvo said with a smirk. ''He was hiding''_

_''Hiding? Well that can't be good. Means that the boy did something wrong'' Senior said._

_''Looks like it, Sir'' Connor said._

_''Tell me, boy. Do you still work for the government?'' Senior asked._

_''Naval Criminal Investigation Services, 7 years years now, Sir'' Tony said. He straightened himself a little and looked into his fathers eyes. He was proud of that. Al though his doubted that his father thought the same of it._

_''So you still didn't get any better. You are still the same pathetic son of a bitch, that you mother raised'' Senior countered._

_''Don't you dare talk about mom that way!'' Tony yelled. ''Wait?.. did I just yell at him? Shi—'' His thoughts were cut off by a blow into his stomach. Tony clenched his jaw. He didn't want to give his father the satisfaction by showing he was in pain._

_''You still haven't learned how to speak to someone who is better than you'' Senior said._

_''Don't know who you are talking about. But you aren't talking about yourself'' Tony spit out. He couldn't help it. The words just came out. ''What the hell am I saying?'' He thought to himself._

_This time he felt a fist connect with his jaw and his nose. Tony could taste the blood in his mouth already._

_''Sir. May I say something?'' Connor asked quietly._

_Senior looked at him for a moment. ''Talk away, Connor'' He nodded._

_''I think that the time that the boy didn't see you, has infected his memory. Maybe you should make up for all those years you weren't able to... teach him some lessons'' Connor said. Tony glared at him. Now a little line of blood came out the corner of mouth. Connor had a evil spark in his eyes._

_Senior grinned. God Tony hated that grin. Even though his own matched, it was used for other ways. ''I think you made a excellent point, my friend'' He said. ''Let's remind him who the boss is here and who's the pathetic little bastard'' Senior went to his drawer behind his desk._

_''No...'' Tony thought, knowing what he father went for. ''You can't do this!''_

_''I can't?'' Senior asked skeptically. While grabbed a long stick, one that teachers used in the past. ''I think I disagree with you on that one'' And with that Silvo and Connor brought him over to desk. He was still in a headlock and for the first time tonight he struggled to get out of them, but he still wasn't strong enough, just like when the was little. They pushed his face against the desk and hold him still._

_Tony struggled again, but it didn't work. The arms and hand only gripped him harder and pushed his face harder against the desk. ''You're gonna regret this!'' Tony said as he felt Silvo grabbing his dress shirt and pulling it up, baring his back._

_Senior smirked as he saw the tiniest of faded scars all of his son's back. He traced his fingers over the scars, sending shivers of fear over his sons back. ''Didn't regret it before, not going to start now, boy'' The last word was spoking with disgust, anger, evil.. hatred._

_Tony had barely the time to prepare himself for what he knew what was coming. He heard the sound of wood fast flying through the air. He shut his eyes and his body stiffened as it made contact with his back. Tony did all he could to keep his lips onto each other, knowing if he didn't he would scream. He father all but lost his strength, maybe even it was harder, then the last time he remembered._

_The second time was on the exact same place, only making the pain much, much worse. Tony lost count after 4.. or was it 5? He simply didn't care. The tears stung in his eyes. Tears he held back for the last 18 years._

_The last blow was what surprised him. It wasn't his back, Tony felt the sting even though he still wore his jeans, unlike when he was still a boy. The wooden stick slamming into the backs of his knees, sending him to the ground. Now Tony hold onto the desk. He didn't want to fall on the floor knowing that he would give into his father if he did._

_Then he heard the wooden stick fall onto the ground and his father laugh. ''You haven't changed, Boy. Still the little boy that couldn't even pour me a drink without messing it up. You have become nothing, like I always said. It's only a matter of time, before you end up in the gutter'' Senior said. Silvo and Connor had long loosened their grips and stood their smirking above Tony, who was still catching his breath._

_''Maybe you are right after all Anthony. I regret. I regret that you were born, I regret that I did nothing while your mother was still there! Cause maybe then, if I started earlier, you wouldn't be this pathetic. I regret I never let her know just how worthless you are'' Senior said. He turned to his noble slaves. ''Enjoy your time with him a little, boys. Maybe you have learned something about how to treat him in the years. Go ahead'' And with that he stepped out of Office._

_Tony tried to stand, his knees buckled, before steadying. But it didn't last long as Silvo shoved his hands against Tony's chest, sending him against the desk with his back again. Tony threw a punch back and to his surprised it hit his cousin into the face._

_''Son of a bitch!'' Silvo said as his fingers went to his nose, to discover blood. Both Connor and Silvo turned into a rage and began to hit him full blast. That was really the last thing Tony could remember the things after that, was all a blur._

**..****_End Flashback.._**

Tony woke up at the sound of his door open and close. He laid under his blankets and felt his body ache all over.

''Tony?'' a female voice said softly. ''Are you awake yet?''

''Chris?'' Tony asked. His voice was softer than he intended it to be.

''Yes, sweetie'' Chris said and sat down on the bed. She slowly pulled the blankets a little of his body, leaving it just above his butt. He laid in his stomach, even though he doubted that it made a difference in the pan that he felt. Chris took in the wounds and bruises on his back. ''Oh, Tony'' She said sadly. She wanted to cry for him. ''If I had known this would happen, than I would've never let him in.

Tony turned, grimacing as he tried to sit up. ''It isn't your fault, Chris. I somewhere hoped too, that he had changed'' He said. _''More hoped that I could stand up against him better_'' He thought.

''You should see a doctor'' She stated.

''No!'' Tony exclaimed, winching at he sudden move he made with it. ''I.. I can't. It will be in my medical record and it will come out at my work. I can't have that. I love my work!''

''They aren't going to fire you when they see that you were beaten up, Tony'' Chris reassured him.

''That's not it. If they know, they won't like me anymore and I will have to go to somewhere else'' Tony said. ''_Dang that sounded just like a little kid''_

Chris had already salve on her hands and began to rub in on the bruises in his chest. ''Don't you trust them?''

''More then anything, but—'' Tony was cut off.

''That's something you weren't sure off on the all the other work places. Now you just have to trust yourself in trusting them'' Chris said. ''They can help you, Tony''

''What do you mean?'' Tony was slightly confused.

It was silent for a moment as she helped Tony rubbing in the salve on his chest and back. ''I mean, they can get you closure''

''You mean, arrest him. I can't do that to aunt Elda, Chris, or mom. I can't let the man she loved be arrested''

''Your mom knew about it, Tony'' Chris said. ''She wanted to, but she was too afraid''

''She what?'' Tony was surprised. He didn't know that his mother knew about the way Senior thought about him.

''She knew. Senior thinks that you are not his son'' Chris explained.

''You got that right'' Tony said grumpy.

''No. He thought that Rose— your mom had an affair with another man around the time she conceived you. He didn't believe her when she told him that wasn't true''

''Did... she had an affair?'' Tony asked, not bothering if she did. He wouldn't blame her.

''No! She loved your father. I don't know why. After that things started to go downwards'' Chris told him.

''How come, that just now I hear about this. Why didn't anybody tell me?'' Tony was a little sad about it.

''You would it use it against your father'' Chris said, knowing Tony well. ''And it would only make things worse, knowing your father he wouldn't stop''

Okay that was true. He would do that and he was pretty sure that his father would get an outburst about it.

''You gotta start letting people into your past, Anthony'' Chris said and finished her doing with the salve.

''You're not just talking about my father, are you?'' Tony laughed slightly.

''Only if you show them the real you, with past and all only then you can find the right woman... or men'' Chris smiled.

''Stop that! That was one time and nothing more!'' Tony told her.

''The one time you were truly happy, before you met Wendy'' Chris said. ''Don't deny how you are. You're mother would be very sad''

''Real clever to bring her into this'' Tony sounded a little annoyed. ''When did it turn into this?''

''Don't know, but you know I'm right'' Chris laughed.

''You two were always right'' Tony sighed.

''Thank you!'' She smiled and gave him a kiss on the forehead. ''When do you have to go back to work?''

''tomorrow morning'' Tony sighed again. Knowing this condition he couldn't go to work. ''I haven't called in sick in... ever. Gibbs is going to know somethings up''

''We just discussed this, Anthony. That's not a bad thing. Means that he cares about you enough to notice''

''Please, if he cared that much he would noticed just how much i stare at his ass'' After Tony said that, his eyes went wide.

Chris eyebrows went up and she smirked. ''So you aren't denying who you are? And crushing on your boss''

''what? no! I'm not having _a crush _on Gibbs! Who do you think I am, breaking his rules!'' Tony laughed that idea off.

She frowned. ''He's got rules?''

''Yeah'' He said. ''I am _not_ crushing on my boss okay? Shut that out of you mind, cause I'm not!''

''Okay, so not denying that who you are, just denying that you have a crush on someone. That's okay, its progress'' Chris laughed.

Tony dropped down onto the bed. Winching as his back made contact with the bed. ''Oh god. Just let it go. I'm not talking about this anymore''

''Okay. Then let's change the subject. Miguel is going to drive you home. He already had a hunch this was going to happen, so he volunteered'' Chris smiled sadly.

''Is father already gone?'' Tony asked.

''Left this morning, business meeting'' Chris told him.

''Of course'' Tony had to know that.

''Put something on, Anthony. Breakfast is going to be served in half an hour'' Chris said. She kissed his forehead again, stood up and walked out of the room.

Tony sighed and sat up straigh on the bed, every so slowly. His body ached and he felt the wounds were burning on his back.

Truth was. Tony didn't know how he really felt about Gibbs. Sure he was an attractive man, with a great ass and he tensed up every time Gibbs came up behind him, not only because he knew he would get a head slap. Sure he _dreamed _those really ridiculous dreams about Gibbs kissing him and.. so much more he didn't want to think about now, cause he knew what would happen if he did and needed a cold shower. But no! He did not have a crush on Gibbs. He couldn't do that! That would be insane, even though Gibbs was very handsome and Tony really kinda loved that calmness, He loved that smile on Gibbs face, when Gibbs thought he didn't see it, when Tony did something dumb. And he loved the smell of sawdust and slight bourbon when Gibbs came into his personal space—

Tony groaned. His hand went south and jerked back when he noticed his half hard cock. ''No! This can't be happening!'' He mumbled. He stood up, wincing when his back straightened. After a pause, he began to put some clothes on, before he making his way downstairs. His mind raced thinking about what the others would think about his appearance. The big purplish black bruise on his cheek.

* * *

_**So that's the first chapter! i decided to make some longer chapter then i usual do with my stories. That okay with you? Please review what you think, it will motivate me. **_

_**Next Chapter will be up next friday night (for me), evening, morning, saturday morning. what ever it is in your country! **_

_**-X- Leonie**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**So glad that you guys liked the first Chapter and the fact that they're longer. i do too! :) i also want to thank you all of the following, favoriting and reviews! :D i seriously love you guys!**_

_**Enjoy your reading :)**_

* * *

As Tony sat in the car with Miguel, he couldn't stop thinking about what happened yesterday night. ''_Worthless... Pathetic..._'' The words were racing through he his mind and he couldn't get them out. Sitting in the car in silence almost an hour and a half now wasn't all that pleasant either, knowing that his best friend stole glances to him every 30 seconds.

''Will you just say what you want to say?'' Tony said finally.

''I really don't know what to say Tony'' Miguel said honestly. ''I had them distracted for 2 days.. well me and the others, but I lost them and then... you end up like this. _again_''

''Don't do this to yourself, mike. I couldn't stop him now and I'm a cop!'' Tony blamed himself.

''Are ya gonna tell Gibbs about this?'' Miguel asked.

''No. I'm going to call in sick, cause know I can't do my job and with that he'll know something is up'' Tony said.

''How will he know? You're not there'' Miguel asked looking at him for a moment and back to the road.

''Somehow he can read me, without me even saying anything. It's one of the reasons that I work with him. I trust him with my life and I think he trusts me with his. Or I hope so''

''You trust him with this life. Do you trust him with your past life? The life you have given up, but still hunts you?'' Miguel asked. Silence from the other man. ''That's what I thought. I know it's hard T. but you gotta start letting people in''

''Have you spoken with your mother?'' Tony asked surprised.

''I have, but not about that. I guess it runs in the family'' Miguel said. Silence again. He sighed. ''I runs in our side of the family Tony. You are nothing like your father. I know that you want kids, I know that you care about your family. I know that because of your stories about NCIS, that's your real family. Although I hope you see me and Neela and of course Angy as your family too''

''I do'' Tony smiled.

''How's NCIS, by the way? Still gaining the head slaps?'' Miguel asked raising one eyebrow.

''I don't think I get rid of them even when I'm retired'' Tony laughed, but stopped when a jolt of pain ran through his chest.

''How did Gibbs come up with them anyway?'' Miguel asked interested.

Tony smiled softly and began to describe his first head slap.

**..****_Flashback_****...**

_Gibbs and Tony walked down the hall in the NCIS building. ''I'm not going back to Baltimore, I can't. I don't know what I'm gonna do. Maybe being a cop isn't for me'' Tony said. In one swift moment Tony was cut off feeling Gibbs' hand connect with the back of his head. He stopped in his tracks and looked at Gibbs. ''Did you just physical assault me?'' He asked in disbelieve._

_Gibbs ignored the question. ''I don't have a lot of rules. But rule number 5 is: You don't waste good'' He siad. ''You're good''_

_''Thanks'' Tony said honestly._

**..****_End flashback_****..**

''See? Even the old man knew that you are worth it!'' Miguel laughed.

''He's not old!'' Tony exclaimed. Miguel raised his eyebrows and looked at him. ''Don't even think about that!'' Tony pointed. Miguel just smirked and his eyes went back to the road. ''Our mothers gave some hell of kids, didn't they?''

''Not surprised. Our mothers were Identical twins, Tony'' Miguel laughed.

Tony didn't like to talk about his mother so much. He didn't even know why he said that, so he changed the subject.''How long are you staying?''

''Two days'' Miguel stated. ''Mom wanted to make sure that you went to a doctor and I agree. Those bruises on your chest are pretty messed up''

''It's nothing that I haven't had before, you know that'' Tony mumbled, just load enough for Miguel to hear it.

''That doesn't make it any less worse, Anthony!'' Miguel said sternly.

''Wow! You really are just like your mother'' Tony said with great surprise, but couldn't hide the smile. ''I'll go tomorrow'' He promised. ''I appreciate you doing this, but doesn't Neela need you at home?'' He asked.

''Angy is four months now. Sleeps longer, cries less, still too much'' Miguel chuckled. ''But less and she smiles. It's nothing that Neela can't handle for 2 nights'

''Okay, well thank you'' Tony said and leaned back against the car seat. Miguel turned on the radio and Tony was pleased with the light jazz music that drifted him off the sleep.

The rest of the ride was in silence because Tony had fallen asleep after 5 minutes of music. It didn't bother to Miguel, he knew how tired Tony got after these kind of events. His mind drifted of the first time he had seen what happened to Tony. It made him sick to his stomach to think back to that first time.

**..****_Flashback_****..**

_''Hey Niles, is Anthony home?'' Chris asked the butler as he opened the door._

_''Mr. DiNozzo is in his study with young Anthony'' Niles smiled. He opened the door further and led them to the living room. ''How are you doing?'' He asked. It was 2 weeks after Rose's funeral and he could see she was still shaken up about the sudden death of her twin sister._

_''Can't say good, but I'm hanging in there'' Rose smiled sadly. ''I'm lucky to have my pretty boy with me'' She said as she grasped Miguel's arm and dragged him from behind her._

_''Hi Niles!'' Miguel flashed a forced smile. He didn't like Niles. He didn't know why, he just didn't. But he had not reason for let that know to anyone. _

_''Taking care of your mother I see?'' Niles said._

_''Always Sir. Keeping mommy happy so I can have that mountain bike!'' He laughed. His mother glared down at him. He chuckled. ''And because I love you''_

_Chris laughed. ''Good to know that's part of the reason'' She looked back up to Niles. ''Could you get Anthony for me please? I want to discus something with him''_

_''Certainly. I will tell him that you are here'' Niles said and excused himself, walking out of the room._

_Miguel turned to his mother. Seeing the sadness in her eyes he asked, ''You okay, momma?''_

_''I'm fine, just the first time that I've been here since Aunt Rose past away'' She told him._

_''Can I go play in Tony's room? I don't like business stuff'' Miguel asked, making a grimacing face._

_''Of course. You know where it is?'' Chris asked her son._

_''Yes'' Miguel nodded with a smile and went off down the hall. Chris chuckled and shook her head._

**...**

_As Miguel wanted to round the corner of the hallway upstairs, the sounds he heard stopped him in his tracks._

_''Hurry your sorry ass up into your room boy!'' He heard Senior call and then heard a flat hand connect with what he assumed was a cheek. Soon after that he heard a gasp and an stifled cry._

_Miguel slowly looked around the corner, only with is head, one hand grabbing the the corner of the wall it self and it was confirmed as he saw. Tony was clamming his hand over his cheek and he saw the tear stained face._

_''That's what you get for spilling my drink'' Senior said, pointing a finger in front of Tony's face._

_''I.. it wasn't me, Sir'' Tony protesting while crying. ''I didn't pour you a drink... Niles did. I didn't let it fall!''_

_Senior shoved Tony against the wall his fingers around Tony's small neck. ''You don't lie to me, boy! It's the only thing your good at, screwing up and lying''_

_Miguel saw that Tony had trouble breathing, but he couldn't move his feet. He couldn't breathe himself until he saw that Senior slowly loosened his grip around Tony, eventually letting go completely. Tony fell to the ground coughing. ''Your wasting my time, you little piece of garbage'' Senior picked Tony up by the collar of his dark blue dress shirt, opened the bedroom and threw him in. ''I don't want you to see you anymore until I call you, understood?''_

_''Y..yes'' Tony coughed._

_''Yes what?!'' Senior barked._

_''Yes.. S... sir'' Tony said quietly._

_Senior turned and slammed the door shut. He began to walk towards the stairs. Miguel looked around him and saw the bathroom door. silently he went into the bathroom and closed the door just in time before Senior past. Miguel's heart was racing, processing what he just had seen. He took a few deep breaths and opened the door again to look if the coast was clear. Again letting out a breath he slowly walked walked towards Tony's bedroom..._

**..****_End flashback_****..**

''Mike?'' Tony asked seeing the far away look in Miguel's eyes. He wasn't sure what it was where Miguel was thinking about, but didn't look like it was anything pleasurable. It worried him even more because Miguel was driving and not responding. Tony nudged Miguel's arm ''Miquel! You okay?'' He asked somewhat loader.

Miguel shook his head, snapping out of his thoughts and looked at Tony for a second. ''Yeah'' He ran a hand over his face. ''Fine''

Tony's eyebrows went up in surprise. ''You don't look fine''

Miguel looked back at the road. ''Just ah... remembering, that's all''

Tony thought for a minute before it hit him where his friend was talking about, he wanted to say something, but he didn't know what. ''Which time were you remembering?'' Tony asked after a few minutes.

''The first time, my mom came into your house after aunt Rose...'' Miguel trailed off. ''I only know what Senior did to you in the hallway''

''Probably best that you only know that part'' Tony said looking out of the window as his fingers clawed into his jeans.

''It probably is'' Miguel said sadly. He knew that there was so much more going on, that Tony never told anyone and not only about that time. Tony only talked about the times that made Tony sneak over to his place or if Miguel walked into the _events, _as he named them.

For the rest of the ride, that was only 15 more minutes, they drove in silence, except for Tony's directions as they came into the city.

**...**

Abby shut the door of her car and bounced happily towards Tony's apartment building. It was the last Sunday of the month. One of her favorite days of the month. This Sunday she went to Tony and spend the day with him. Just talking, watching a movie, eating take out and sometimes he or she made dinner.

Just a day spending together like brother and sister, If they weren't called up by Gibbs for a case that is then.

She stepped into the elevator. With a bag of popcorn and a six pack of beer in hand, she hummed a song she had played in the car on her way here. As the elevator stopped on the right floor she said hello to Tony's neighbor as she passed her on the way.

She knocked on Tony's door still smiling. Her smile faded when she didn't hear any movement. ''Tony? Are you sleeping again?'' She called out and knocked again, this time a little harder. Still silent. She frowned and looked at her watch. Nope she was even a little late. ''Tony! Open up!'' She called out. She waited a moment longer, but still not a sign of living ''Tony?''

Now Abby was getting worried. Would he be in? She pulled out a hair clip and picked the lock like she had learned. Within 10 seconds a grin spread across her face for a minute, when she heard a clicking sound.

She pushed open the door and walked in. The room was dark and the curtains were pulled closed. She walked through the house for a few moments but didn't see any weird things that would lead for her to worry right away. ''_He just isn't home. Maybe just late from a date'' _She told herself.

Abby opened the curtains for better light. Just because she liked the dark at her place, didn't mean it is good for any other places. She walked to the fridge and put her six pack beer into it, leaving one beer out for her to drink. She then went to the couch and sat down. Pouting and crossing her arms. Not knowing what to do or knowing what to think of this.

**...**

Stopping on the parking and turning off the car Miguel looked at Tony. He was surprised to see Tony eyes wide. Following Tony's gaze he saw a black hearse standing across from them.

''Shit'' Tony whispered.

Miguel frowned. ''You know that car?''

''It's.. uh from my friend, Abby'' Tony explained.

''Girl with ponytails, black make-up and collar around her neck with the spider web tat?'' Miguel asked.

''Yup that one'' Tony nodded. ''I forgot that I had a date with her''

''A date?'' Miguel's eyebrows went up.

A small smile crossed Tony's face and he shook his head. ''Not what you think. Abby's my best friend here, she's like a sister to me'' Tony said. Then he sighed. ''We always have movie day once a month. Forgot that it was this Sunday''

''What are you going to do about it?'' Miguel asked.

Tony ignored him and grabbed his cellphone from his jeans pocket, winching as the angle he turned hurt his ribs. He speed dialed and let the phone go over.

Abby answered before the second time of ringing. ''_Tony! Where are you? You always here when I come for our movie days! The popcorn already is in the microwave, only have to start it. I was worried when you were not here—_'' She was cut off.

''Abby!'' Tony nearly shouted, to come over her rambling.

''_Yeah?_'' She asked innocently.

''I uh... am still with friends out of town, I forgot that our day was this Sunday, I'm so sorry'' Tony said. He really was sorry.

'_'I don't know what worries me more, the fact that you forgot our day or the fact that you just broke Gibbs rules and apologized_'' She paused letting the sound of his tone, when he spoke sink in. ''_Everything okay?_''

''I'm fine. I'm still with a friend and I can't make it home until late tonight'' Tony lied to her.

''_You can just say that you hooked up this weekend with a girl and that you're still in bed with her_'' Abby said.

Tony could just see the smirk on her face and looked at Miguel. ''Yeah... something like that''

It was silent for a moment bofore Abby spoke up. ''_Alright I forgive you for this time, but don't let it happen again_''

''I won't I promise'' Tony said and wanted to hang up.

''_Two more things_'' Abby said.

''What?'' Tony frowned.

''_One, I want to know everything tomorrow, and don't even thing about leaving any details out and two, you know that Gibbs is going to head slap you for standing me up and for the hangover your are going to have for sure tomorrow_'' She said.

''Um...'' Tony didn't know what to say. He couldn't tell her now that he wasn't coming in tomorrow. He chose to change the subject. ''How did you get into my apartment?''

''_Ziva showed me how to pick a lock last year_'' Abby said happily.

Tony closed his eyes and slowly leaned back into his seat. He shook his head and smiled. ''Of course she did''

''_You're not angry about me picking your lock, are you?_'' Abby asked, suddenly sounding concerned.

''I never can be mad at my Little Goth Princes'' Tony slightly laughed, ignoring the pain in his chest. He looked at Miguel again, who had a amused look on his face.

''_Good, than I won't interrupt what you were doing any longer_'' Her voice was bright again. ''_See you tomorrow, Tony_''

''Bye Abbs'' Tony said and hung up. He looked at Miguel and he laughed. ''What?''

''She uh.. sounds nice'' Miguel laughed.

''She's the best. Always knowing when something is wrong'' Tony explained. ''_Good practice target for me building masks. Hope she didn't notice now'' _Tony thought to himself. ''Now all we have to do is wait until she comes out and leaves''

''How long is that going to take?'' Miguel asked

''As long as she needs to make sure there is no sign of my new girlfriend, she thinks I have, in my apartment'' Tony grinned.

**...**

Luckily it only took Abby 15 minutes to return to her car. ''_So not much of exploring she had done_'' Tony thought.

''You have beer?'' Miguel asked.

Tony sat down on the couch. And put his feet on the coffee table. ''Sure. It's in the fridge'' He instructed. As Miguel came back he handed a beer to Tony and wanted to sit down. ''Can you check something for me?''

''Um sure, what is it?'' Miguel asked slightly confused.

''The drawer that next to the piano. Can you check if its still locked and not picked?'' He asked.

Miguel nodded and went to the drawer. He tried to open it, but it didn't work He turned. ''Nope still locked''

Tony cleared let out a breathe. ''Good''

''what is in there?'' Miguel asked as he walked back and sat down on one of the chairs.

''All sorts of stuff, but mainly my notebooks'' Tony explained.

''You're doing it again?'' Miguel was surprised.

''Short after I moved here'' Tony spun the bottle in his hand and took a swig.

''that's good. I haven't heard it in a long time'' Miguel smiled.

''Do you?'' Tony asked after swallowing a swig of his beer.

''Yup'' Miguel nodded. ''It's maybe not that great as your songs and I am better at playing guitar than piano but I still write''

''It's a great outlet'' Tony said.

''It is. Didn't know you needed a outlet, though. Well maybe after this weekend'' Miguel said.

''You know how stressful being a federal agent can be? Specially with the people I work with'' Tony excused. He knew that Miguel didn't know the underlying meaning of his explanation.

''I'm sure that your songs are about being a Senior Field Agent'' Miguel chuckled and took a swig from his beer.

''It's more about the cases, things that happen all the time, that inspire me. Along with some other things'' Tony explained.

Miguel nodded in understanding. ''Angy is the most inspiration I have at the moment. Two songs I have written from the moment she was born'' He smiled. ''Maybe we should catch up on the songs, play a little''

''You know I don't perform in front of everyone. _any_one'' Tony glared at him.

''I know you never did. It was worth a try. I just never got to know why. You have a great voice and your songs are always very good'' Miguel said.

''Thank you for the complements, but I just don't like pouring my heart out in front of people, even if I don't know them'' Tony told him. He sighed and grabbed his keys out of his pocket. He searched for the right one and held that one out of Miguel. ''Here the notebook on top is my latest writings, the first one is finished''

''Seriously?'' Miguel asked surprised, but grabbed the keys and was already on his way. Tony just shook his head as he saw how enthusiastic Miguel was.

A moment later Miguel came back with the note book in hand. The first few pages was with drabbles that were mostly crossed through and words wrote in between sentences. Music notes were written and crossed out. After 3 pages the real song began.

It was silent for a moment, while Tony looked at him. Miguel was moving his mouth and Tony knew he was trying to imagine the melody of the song.

''_What i want, is not what I get from you. Please just tell me once, can i ever tell you the truth..._'' Miguel sang in a whisper but went silent again as he read the rest. He looked over to Tony. ''Wow. That's a heart felt song, Tony''

''I know'' Tony sighed.

''Any reason or special inspiration behind this song? or is this just random'' Miguel asked.

''Not talking about it Mike. Be glad that your read it'' Tony said to him.

''Right'' Miguel said and went back to reading. ''Anyway. I love it. I would love to hear it someday''

''Maybe. Someday'' Tony said.

**...**

Abby stepped through the door and leaned forwards against the railing. It was already late in evening and she didn't know exactly why she ended up here. She only knew that she couldn't get Tony out of her head. She maybe joked about him being in bed with a woman, but she knew that it wasn't true. She didn't know it at the time, but then she remembered him saying something about a family reunion. She knew that something was off by the tone in his voice, but she didn't know what it was.

Why would he lie about being in bed with a woman. He talked about the reunion, why letting her assume that he was in bed with a woman. ''_He could of hooked up with someone, while being there_'' She told herself. She shook her head. No that was not it. She got the feeling that he wanted her to forget about the reunion.

''Are you going to stand there all day?'' Gibbs asked, not looking away from sanding his boat.

Abby snapped out of her thoughts and noticed that she had been standing on the top of the basement stairs for more than 20 minutes. She took a deep breath and walked down the stairs.

''Hi bossman'' She said trying to sound happily.

Gibbs didn't fall for it and let the sanding paper fall and turned to look at her. A move that actually surprised her. ''Okay, what's wrong?'' He demanded to know.

''Wow. You got that, by my 'hi bossman'? That's pretty impressive'' Abby let a grin spread across her face, but it didn't reach her eyes.

''Abby'' Gibbs voice softened. ''what is it?''

''It's Tony'' Abby said quietly.

Gibbs frowned. ''What about Tony?'' His voice sounded more worried than intented.

''You know that Tony and I do a movie days together right?'' Abby asked.

He nodded. ''Uhu, hard not to. It's been 2 years that you guys do that once a month. You never can stop rambling about it when the that weekend comes. Like last Friday''

''Yeah well... today when I came with everything, he wasn't home'' Abby explained. ''I waited in his apartment and eventually he called''

''And what did he say?'' Gibbs poured in a mug of bourbon and took a sip.

''He said he had forgotten and let me believe that he was lying in bed with a woman'' Abby said.

''Lying in bed with a woman is typical Tony, Abbs... what is wrong?'' Gibbs reasoned.

''Yeah, but he forgot our night!'' Abby said. Gibbs stared at her for a moment. She was right he had never forgot a movie day! It was his favorite thing in the world, especially with Abby. ''Plus the fact that he let be _assume_ that he laid in bed with a woman'' She added.

''How do you know he lied about it?'' Gibbs was now interested. He didn't know why but it wasn't like Tony to let her assume things. Tony never ever could lie to her. Never even tried before.

''He talked about a family reunion. He was excited about it. But now he didn't even mention it and I got the feeling that he wanted me to forget about it, which worked for few hours. Just thought about it an hour ago, that's why I'm here'' She explained to Gibbs.

Gibbs mind was racing although his face was blank. He had to agree that it was odd from Tony. He didn't usually have those kind of mood swings, but he also couldn't find any weird connections with the past cases in the last couple of weeks.

He was just himself... well he was being Tony, which he knew was partly himself. Gibbs knew about that the Tony he worked with was just a part of Tony whole. There was so much mystery about his SFA and sometimes he saw glimpse of what was behind the mask. Most surprisingly when there were kids involved with the cases. Somehow the seriousness of Tony in agent mode only involved. Gibbs didn't mention anything to Tony about it, because he knew the act himself so good. He knew that himself also had secrets and things he didn't talk about and because Tony didn't give him any reason to worry about it, he just accepted that Tony held personal and work life separate, just like he did.

''Okay and what made you worried. You know how he is'' Gibbs asked.

''I know'' Abby sighed.

Gibbs put a finger on her chin, wanting her to look at him. ''Then why the concern all of the sudden?''

She looked up at those steely blue eyes. She never could lie or be silent when he looked at her. ''He sounded sad Gibbs. Really _really_ sad. He said he was sorry''

Gibbs looked at her. He didn't know what to say to that. Tony sad? Why would Tony be sad, because of a family reunion? Tony had been there five years ago and then he was more lively than anything the Monday after that.

''It's just a little too much. Forgetting our movie day, saying sorry, sounding sad, assuming he was somewhere else than he really was'' Abby said. ''I'm worried''

''You called tonight?'' Gibbs asked.

''No. I don't want to be worried. I'm sure he has a good explanation'' Abby said.

Gibbs nodded. ''Good. See how he is tomorrow at work and if he acts weird I will see what I can do''

''Good, that is all what I wanted to know'' Abby said and hugged him. When she pulled back she already had a smile on her face. ''I'm sure he'll be okay tomorrow. positive thoughts'' She went up the stairs again. ''Night Gibbs''

''Night Abbs'' Gibbs said. As he heard his front door close he went back to sanding his boat. He shook his head. Abby could be on to something, but she could exaggerate too. He just had to wait until tomorrow to see how Tony is for himself, to make an opinion. But what Abby told him, it really was odd that Tony would do something like that to Abby.

**...**

_Tony was so excited, when he came home. it was tradition that the teachers gave their students something when it was their birthday. Today it was Tony's birthday and he couldn't be happier with the small gift he had gotten from his teacher._

_''Father! Look what I got for my birthday!'' Tony said as he rushed into his father's study. He stopped in his tracks ,in the middle of the room when he realized what he just had done. His eyes were wide and his heart was racing as his father looked up from his paper work. ''I... didn't mean to...''_

_Senior stood up painfully slowly. ''__**What **__have I told you about my study?'' He asked with anger in his voice._

_''I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Sir! I forgot!'' Tony nearly cried already knowing what was coming. His object fall to the ground and stepped backwards as he father came towards him._

_''You forgot?!'' Senior yelled. He now stood in front of tony. He grabbed Tony by his shirt and pulled him up. Tony could smell the smell of alcohol on his fathers breath. ''That only proves how small your brain is, boy!'' He said as he slapped Tony in his face._

_Tony let out a whimper. He knew that screaming would only make it worse. ''I'm sorry!'' He repeated._

_''You're not getting away with this'' Senior barked. He let Tony fall to the ground. ''Oh no you don't!'' Senior said as Tony wanted to crawl to the door. He grabbed Tony by his ankle and turned to so that Tony's body would turn._

_Tony screamed in pain when his body didn't turned with his foot. Senior ignored it and pulled Tony with him. Senior sat Tony down in his chair. ''Turn! Your back to me and hands on your knees'' Senior ordered._

_Tony obeyed and sat on his knees. He cried and bit down hard on his lip at the pressure his ankle was going through. He heard the drawer open en close and knew what was coming._

_After being hit by the stick, as many time he derserved for his years, he dared to look around seeing his father take a long swig out of a bottle. He didn't care what kind of alcohol it was. It stank and it made his father act even worse. He turned back around suddenly when his father looked at him. The bottle, now empty hit the floor and again Tony was unprepared when he was lifted up._

_In his drunken state, Senior slammed Tony into the door before opening it and walking through it. It made Tony's awareness go blurry for a moment. But then he saw the front door coming. ''Please, Sir! I'll be good! I'll be good!'' Tony cried._

_Again Senior ignored him. He walked to the front door and opened it. ''I'm better off without you! You can sleep outside where animals belong and think about your stupid actions!'' He said as he threw Tony out side._

_Before Tony got even the chance to stand up, the door was already slammed shut and he heard the lock click. Tony cried as his legs gave in from underneath him and he sat on the ground. The cold fall wind ran over his body._

_Tony crawled his way over to the garden on the side of the house. His mother had placed a dog house there. She had said that if Tony would be a good boy as always, that he would get a dog for his 10th birthday. He already knew when she... passed away, that was not going to happen anymore. Now instead of a dog, tony used it to hide from cold wind. If he could he would've gone to Miguel. But it was too far away and he couldn't make it on one foot. _

_He pressed himself into the dog house, annoyed by the fact that he was getting bigger every time and soon he couldn't get through entrance anymore. He curled up and cried himself to sleep. _

**...**

Tony jerked awake, from his nightmare. The moment he sat up he regretted his action, as his whole body was jolting with pain and was covered in sweat.

He bit his lip not wanting to wake Miguel for this.

''Shit'' He whispered. He ran his hand over his face. He hated this. He hadn't had a nightmare in years and now everything was coming back. the nightmares the memories, the room, the lying... the pain.

Tony looked at his alarm 3:57 am. He sighed and swept the blankets of him. A shower, was what he wanted now. The hell with sleep.

* * *

_**So that was the second chapter! Updated sooner than i thought i would do. Please leave a review i love them. but remember ''Positive thoughts!'' ;)**_

_**Next update around Saturday or sunday! **_


	3. Chapter 3

_**So! i hope you like this new update like i promised it would be the weekend! :D **_

_**Thanks for all the reviews and the new followers and such! you guys are amazing and i love you all!**_

_**Enjoy your reading. **_

* * *

Walking out of the bedroom, with his towel around his waist, Tony went to the fridge. Debating what he should pick, he shook his head, wanting to pick the beer. But it was early in the morning and just grabbed a bottle of water instead.

''Wow...'' The familiar voice said.

Tony turned around in surprise and saw Miguel sitting upright on the couch looking at him. For a moment he had forgotten that Miguel was staying over. Tony looked down his body, realizing that his bruises and wounds on his chest and back were showing every hit. ''What are you doing up?''

''I woke because of the water running'' Miguel explained. He took a few steps forwards. He looked at the bruises more. ''Tony, I know you promised, but I know you. You really need to see a doctor''

''I know'' Tony sighed. He looked at Miguel and decided to lighten the mood a little. He smirked.

''What?'' Miguel was confused by his sudden mood swing.

''It's been a while since I had a man _leering_ at my body'' Tony grinned.

''Always find some disturb excuse to change the subject'' Miguel shook his head.

''I wasn't making an excuse I just made an observation, like you just did'' Tony pointed out.

''I'm sure you were'' Miguel laughed. He yawned and stretched. ''So _my dear_, what do we have for breakfast?'' He joked, making Tony laugh. He could see Tony grimacing, but he didn't say something about it. If Tony changed subjects then it was not the time to talk about it. He had learned that early  
on.

''Pancakes a la Antonio!'' Tony said proudly. ''But uh first I have to call in sick with my boss''

''Why don't you just send him an email?'' Miguel asked.

''Gibbs is old school. He never opens his email. He usually let McGee read and delete emails once a month and that was just a week ago'' Tony explained.

''And you're still telling me that he's not old'' Miguel said crossing his arms over his chest.

''No, he's not! He works better with his hands. Building boats and all. And the best steaks over the fire place'' Tony kissed his thumb and forefinger.

''Any other magic touches your boss have?'' Miguel asked amused.

Tony thought for a moment, imagining, how a touch of Gibbs fingers on his body felt like. A lump got caught in his throat. ''_No_'' He thought. He couldn't think that. He _shouldn't _think that. He shook his head. ''Glares, masks, being a great agent and friend, protecting his team always''

''Seems like you have thought about it'' Miguel stated.

He glared at him. ''You and your mother are sharing the same brain I'm telling your'' Tony stated. ''I'm gonna change''

Miguel nodded and Tony walked back into his bedroom. He opened his his closet and grabbed a boxer, sweats and a sweatshirt. Why he walked into the bathroom to get changed he didn't know, but he stopped in front of the mirror. The bruises on his jaw and chest were now dark purple. Tony closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again he didn't see his normal self in the mirror. He saw who he was so man years ago. He saw his 8 year old self in the mirror.

**..****_Flashback_****..**

_Tony crawled towards his bed. It was when he managed to stand up again that the door opened a second time. For a moment his body froze, thinking that his father had returned, but the way the door opened he figured it wasn't him. He climbed onto the bed and turned. Miguel had closed the door and looked at him. _

_''What are you doing here?'' Tony asked shocked. _

_''I... momma and I were just visiting'' Miguel said. ''Are you okay?'' He asked and walked over to him. _

_''I'm fine'' Tony stated, but didn't look at him. _

_Even though Miguel didn't believe a single letter of what Tony said, he didn't argue. ''Is it normal that your dad, did that?'' Miguel asked. _

_''Did what?'' Tony snapped. _

_''Tony. I saw what he did. My daddy never does that to me'' Miguel said. ''It looks painful'' _

_''Hurts more than it looked like'' Tony mumbled. _

_''Why did he do it?'' Miguel asked. _

_''He thought that I let a glass of his drink fell'' Tony explained. He looked up to Miguel. ''I... I didn't do it, but he thought I did, so I deserved it''_

_''Does Niles know?'' Miguel asked. He wanted to know if his gut feeling about that man was right. _

_''He knows. Before my mom... was gone and I pissed father off, father told him to keep my mom busy. It wasn't as bad as now, though'' Tony explained._

_Miguel felt like he was punched into his stomach. ''Did your mom know that your daddy does this to you?'' He asked._

_''Not that I know off. When mommy doesn't like something she always says— said something about it. I never heard her talk about this'' He sighed. ''So either she didn't know or she also thought I deserve this kind of punishment'' _

_''I'm going to tell my mommy!'' Miguel said and wanted to stand up. _

_''No!'' Tony called out. He regretted the sudden move and whimpered because of the pain in his chest. ''You.. you can't.. tell her or anyone else. Father's going to- be mad at me'' Tony almost wanted to say, 'He's going to kill me if he finds out' but he recovered, knowing that Miguel would take it too seriously.. or that Tony himself would actually believe it. _

_''My mom can help'' Miguel said. _

_''Please... Don't tell her'' Tony let tears fall from his emerald eyes. ''Promise me you won't tell anyone'' He extended his hand to his friend. ''Please'' He voice cracked._

_Miguel looked at the hand for a moment and back to Tony. His face serious and took a deep breath. He grabbed Tony's hand with his own and shook it. ''Okay'' _

**..****_End flashback_****..**

Tony turned from the mirror and slowly pulled his clothes on. He walked back into the living room and wasn't surprised that Miguel wasn't there. He turned and walked towards the kitchen. The smell of baked pancakes hitting him.

''You're at home'' Tony stated with a smile.

''It's the least I can do'' Miguel said and turned of the cooker. He placed the pancakes on the plates and turned. He placed a plate in front of Tony and sat down himself.

They ate in silence and Miguel glanced over to Tony several times.

''What?'' tony asked with his mouth full.

Miguel swallowed. ''The song, is it about Peter or Wendy?''

Tony almost chocked on his pancake, hearing both of the names. Peter more than Wendy, if he was honest with himself. ''Neither'' He simply said.

''So my feeling about a new someone was right?'' Miguel asked in a statement tone.

''I don't have a new someone'' Tony told him.

''You mean you haven't told the person how you feel? Cause that's what the song is about'' Miguel. Tony didn't respond and just stared at his pancake. ''Since when do you not take actions?''

Tony let his fork fall onto the plate and sighed. ''Since I know that I don't have a change''

''How do you know?'' Miguel asked.

''He's straight. 100% straight. More straight than him you can't get'' Tony said.

''You're straight, aren't you?'' Miguel said. ''You always said that you were. That it wasn't because of that Peter was a boy that you liked him like that, you liked him because of him''

''I was 15 at the time. I don't want to talk about it anymore, Miguel'' Tony shot him a glare.

''Sorry'' Miguel said.

''Don't apologize—'' Tony began.

''Yeah yeah, it's a sign of weakness, I know'' Miguel rolled his eyes. He knew all about the rules that Gibbs had told Tony. ''Speaking of that,'' He said and grabbed Tony's cellphone from the table. ''You still have to call''

''Right'' Tony nodded and took the phone.

He dialed the number and looked at it for a few minutes, before hitting the button to call. He was nervous. He waited until Gibbs answered. Tony should've have known that it was so quick, Gibbs was always awake around this time. (4:45 am) and if he wasn't, he mind would be at alert anyway.

…**...**

**Gibb's house, 4:40 am **

Gibbs raised himself from the couch. He had a bad feeling about today, but he didn't know what it was. His mind told him that it had to do with what Abby told him yesterday.

He went to the kitchen en made coffee. The morning paper hadn't arrived yet, so he took the one that came in yesterday and started reading parts he hadn't read. He didn't even realize that he was reading the first part over and over again until his coffee was ready. He stood up and poured in a cup of coffee.

Before he could sit down again his phone rang. ''_Great, a case already'' _He thought to himself. Picking up his phone, Gibbs saw the Caller ID. Tony. He sighed.

''DiNozzo'' He answered.

''_That's weird, I thought that I was DiNozzo'' _Tony tried to joke.

Gibbs rolled his eyes, but he tensed up, knowing that something was wrong. ''What is it?'' He asked, not showing any emotion.

''_Uhm.. I can't come in today'' _Tony's said. His voice was more trembling than he wanted.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. He sat down and took a sip of his coffee, taking in the way Tony sounded. ''Why's that DiNozzo?'' He asked.

''_I'm not feeling that well, I think I had a little too much this weekend_'' Tony explained.

''Too much of what?'' Gibbs wanted to know.

''_You know... partying, drinking, no sleep_'' Tony said. It wasn't a lie. He went to a sort of party. He drank plenty and he had not getting any sleep.

''You're calling in sick, because you have a hangover'' Gibbs wanted to sound surprised instead of concerned.

''_I'm really sorry boss, but I'm really not in the shape to come into work_'' Tony said. Again not a lie.

Gibbs could hear something in the younger mans voice and he apologized. Abby was right, he sounded sad. _Really _sad. Ignoring the urge to argue about Rule six he asked, ''Are you okay, Tony? And I'm not talking about you being sick'' Gibbs stated.

''_I have to go, boss_'' Tony said, not able to lie to the other man and not able to tell him the truth either. ''_Just trust me, I'll be fine in a couple of days and have your six again_''

''It's a couple of days now?'' Gibbs asked, this time honestly surprised.

''_Do you trust me?_'' Tony asked suddenly.

Gibbs was taken aback by the question. ''_What the hell?_'' He thought ''You know I do'' Gibbs sighed. ''Okay. If you need to talk, you know where to find me, Tony''

The use of Tony's first name and tone in the way Gibbs said it, was what surprised Tony. ''_bye_'' And with that the line went that.

Gibbs stared at the phone for a moment, before throwing it onto the table, frustrated. Abby was right about everything and his gut feeling was right too. There was something really wrong with Tony. He hated it. He ran a hand over his face and he needed more coffee.

Whatever it was, what was going on with Tony, he should've known that Gibbs was going to visit him during or after work. Depended on whether they got a case or not. For now he knew that one thing Tony said was true. He really can't work in this state, although Gibbs didn't know what kind of state it was.

…**...**

**Tony's apartment**

''Bye'' Tony said and canceled the call. Like Gibbs did he stared at the phone for a moment before throwing it on the table.

''He believed you?'' Miguel asked.

''No, so you are going to be opening the door, when he comes by, later today or tonight'' Tony said.

Truth was, he wanted to be happy about knowing that Gibbs was coming. But the situation and problems was much to big for that.

Gibbs knew that something was wrong and Tony desperately wanted Gibbs to know what was going on, but he couldn't talk about it. He wanted Gibbs to push him, knowing that Gibbs always got him to talk that way, but over the phone Gibbs couldn't do that, so Gibbs had to come over.

''_Wow reading Gibbs' actions now_'' Tony thought to himself.

''And you're okay with that?'' Miguel asked.

Tony was silent for a moment, but then sighed. ''I don't want to talk about it, I just tell Gibbs what happened this weekend. There's no need to tell him my life story''

''That's a start'' Miguel said.

''You have to change and play my chauffeur again'' Tony stated.

Miguel nodded and without saying anything Miguel stood up and walked to the couch where his bag laid. He grabbed his stuff and went to the bathroom.

After the door closed, Tony sighed and grabbed his cellphone again, this time to call his Doctor for a appointment, off the records.

…**...**

It was around 2:00 pm. Gibbs had spend the morning in MTAC. McGee and Ziva had an assignment and were sent away by Jenny. Now Gibbs had really nothing other to do then his paperwork.

''Come on Tony'' Gibbs whispered, while looking at his phone. He wanted Tony to just call him and tell him what was going on. But up to now he hadn't had a call, from Tony, nor from Ziva, McGee or for a case. Abby had been bullpen for 3 times already since noon, after Gibbs had explained that Tony had called in sick. Telling Gibbs that he should just go to Tony's apartment, otherwise she would do it, he told her to wait.

Gibbs' thoughts were interrupted by a ding on his computer. ''_Great! Just when McGee isn't here I get an email'' _He thought and rolled his eyes. He knew that it was just 2 weeks ago that he checked his email, since no one he knows ever sends him an email. But this day had dragged him to boredom that he really had nothing other to do than to check it and go home. He looked up when he heard footsteps.

''Kevin!'' Gibbs barked to one of the passing newbies.

''Agent Gibbs... wh— what can I do for you, Sir?'' Kevin asked as he stood in front of Gibbs desk.

''You know anything about emails?'' Gibbs asked, although he knew that he did. Everyone did, expect from him.

''Sure. Do you need me to pull them up?'' Kevin asked. Gibbs nodded. Kevin went behind the desk and started typing and using the mouse, until he got the screen with one new mail. ''Here. There's a video file attached to it. You just click on the icon and it will pop up'' He explained.

''Okay'' Gibbs said. Kevin stayed still and watched. ''You can go now''

''Oh right'' Kevin said and walked away.

Gibbs waited until Kevin was gone and clicked like he had showed him. The sender of the was names anonymous. He clicked on it and read the the email. After reading the only sentence, Gibbs was confused by what it said. He looked around and then read it out load. ''Sometimes your family knows better what you deserve that your friends do'' He shook his head. ''_What the hell?_'' He thought.

Then he looked at the icon for the video file. He hesitated for a moment before clicking on it. The video loaded and then a room popped up on the screen. From what Gibbs could see, it was an luxurious room with many antique furniture, it looked like a office or a study of some sorts.

Gibbs narrowed his eyes. ''_What is the point?_'' He asked himself. He saw movement in the room and an older man, much older he was came into sight. The man was pacing impatiently with a glass of strong alcohol in his hand. ''_this is nonsense'' _Gibbs thought and he wanted to click it away, just then the door slammed open. And three men came in. Gibbs noticed that the middle one was held by the other two. He narrowed his eyes before he widened them. ''_Tony?!_''

He was now more than focused on the video. He saw them talking, he couldn't see Tony's face and he hated the fact that there was no sound. The older man went to stand closer to Tony. He said something that got Tony's attention. Gibbs saw Tony's head shot up and struggle, while saying something. He was rewarded with blow In the stomach. Gibbs flinched as he saw it. ''_That had to hurt_'' He thought. Again Tony said something and now he saw the older man punch him into his face. ''Why aren't you doing something, Tony?'' He asked quietly. Gibbs's hand turned into fists on his desk.

After a while of talking between the two others and the older man, the older man stepped back to the desk and the others pulled Tony, who now was struggling against them, towards the desk. He was bent over it and held on it. Gibbs thought about what the older men was going to do, when he saw him picking op the object out of the drawer. ''Come on DiNozzo'' Gibbs whispered. But Tony couldn't move and Gibbs sat there and couldn't do anything, cause he knew that this already happened.

After the whipping, Gibbs saw the change in the older man and the whip went not to Tony's back, but into the back of his knees and Gibbs knuckles went white from his grip as he saw Tony almost hit the ground, but hanging onto the desk.

The older man said something at Tony and then to the others and walked out. Suddenly he saw Tony stand and swing a punch into one of them, Gibbs smirked as he saw blood coming out of the mans face, but the smirk soon faded when they both attacked Tony.

At one point Tony didn't move anymore, except for the heavy breathing. The two man also walked out of the room and for the first time Gibbs could see Tony's face. He was covered in blood. Gibbs waited several minutes because Tony didn't move. When he did move, Tony tried to stand and Gibbs saw him spit out blood. Eventually Tony stood and the first thing he did was grabbing onto his back. Tony wobbled out of the room and Gibbs waited. A few minutes later the video was cut off and went to snow.

It was that point that Gibbs noticed how fast his own heart was beating. He leaned back in his and ran his hand several times over his face. ''DiNozzo'' He groaned frustrated.

Gibbs clicked his email away and turned off his computer. He looked at his watch. *2:35 pm*. Without hesitation he stood up and grabbed his coat. He stormed towards the elevator and pressed the button, but decided to take the stairs instead.

**...**

Tony leaned on Miguel when they stepped back into the living room. Tony had gotten medication. It didn't effect his mind so much, but he did get pretty tired because of it and his balance was off.

''If you want, I can stay longer, you know for helping with the salve'' Miguel said as he helped Tony sit on the couch.

Tony looked up to him with a forced grin. ''As much as I appreciate it, you don't have to do it. I'll come up with something'' Tony sighed. ''I've mostly survived on my own''

''Yeah I know'' Miguel sighed as well, he began to unpack the groceries, that he had done while Tony was at the doctor.

''I think I'm going to lay down for a few hours'' Tony said. He stood up slowly, making a grimacing face and stifle a groan of pain.

''You need help?'' Miguel asked.

''I'm not a baby, Mike!'' Tony snapped.

''Sorry!'' Miguel retorted. Tony glared at him. Miguel rolled his eyes ''Yeah yeah yeah, I know the rules of your boyfriend''

Tony was to tired to snap back again and ignored the statement. He walked into his bedroom, closed the door behind him and leaned back against it. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. When he opened them again, he started to undress and just put on a sweatpants, before curling up in bed.

Back on the other side of the door, Miguel walked with the bags into the kitchen and started to put away the stuff. Once done, he made himself a sandwich and went back to the living room making himself comfortable on the couch, watching a DVD.

It was when he almost dozed off on the couch that there was a knock on the door. He looked on at the clock *2:47 pm* He frowned. _''Who would visit now on a school/ work day?_'' When Miguel didn't hear movement in the bedroom and a second slightly harder knock sounded he came off the couch and walked to the door.

A third knock. ''DiNozzo! Open up I know your here, we need to talk!'' The male voice came.

Miguel opened the door and it presented Gibbs. ''Tony, what the—'' Gibbs stopped when he noticed it wasn't Tony.

''You must me Gibbs. Tony said that you would show up eventually'' Miguel reached out his hand.

Gibbs just stared at him, a little confused. The man before him looked like Tony, a little younger maybe, because of the slightly longer hair and a little less muscle, but the same emerald green eyes, brown hair and slight tan ''Where's DiNozzo?'' He asked.

''He's sleeping'' Miguel said walking back into the living room leaving the door open for Gibbs to come in.

''I need to talk to him'' Gibbs said after he came in and closed the door.

''I think so too'' Miguel nodded sitting down on the couch.

Gibbs was surprised by the way Miguel was so comfortable around here. ''Who are you?''

''Miguel Rodriguez, I'm a cousin of Tony'' Miguel said. ''Most people call me Mike''

''You sure that you are not his twin brother?'' Gibbs asked, sitting down on a chair.

Miguel smirked. ''We get that a lot. Our moms were identical twins sisters, I guess we both took their looks'' He explained. Gibbs nodded, but looked a little... like he had seen a ghost. ''You okay? You are Leroy Jethro Gibbs right?''

''How do you know?'' Gibbs asked surprised that he knew him, let alone his full name.

''Tony, talks _a lot_ about you. But he told me that you are the calm, fearless leader, who can deadpan your with only a glare, but right now you look like you're going to puke'' Miguel said.

Gibbs eyebrows went up. ''_Can't say that i heard alot about you_'' He thought. ''How is your relationship with Tony?'' Gibbs asked.

''Tony's my best friend, I don't see him that much, only a couple times a year. I don't live here, but we grew up together, I'm 3 months younger. Even that our mothers wanted to do together'' Miguel chuckled.

''You had an reunion?'' Gibbs asked.

''Is this a interrogation?'' Miguel asked.

''It's complicated'' Gibbs said running a hand over his face.

Miguel shook his head. ''I see where he got that from. It's always complicated with Tony''

''What happened this weekend?'' Gibbs asked.

''I think you have to talk to Tony about that'' Miguel's voice changed from, amused to serious and a sad edge.

''But you know what happened?'' Gibbs asked, but it was more a statement.

''I do, that's why I'm here'' Miguel nodded. ''He won't talk to anyone, I've tried to make him talk to someone, my preference went to you, knowing how Tony always praised you, but he's more scared than anything to do just that. He did told me you would come today'' He explained. ''He said that you would know something was up, but I seems to me you already know what happened''

''I got an email with a video attached to it'' Gibbs said.

Miguel wanted to asked how Gibbs knew how to open an email, but resisted it. ''You have got to be kidding me! They recorded it?!'' Miguel raised his voice. He put his head in his hands.

''I want to know what happened this weekend'' Gibbs said leaning forward.

''You have to talk about Tony. He has to tell you himself and decide what he wants to tell you'' Miguel said rubbing his face and then looked at Gibbs.

''I want to know everything'' Gibbs stated.

''I got that, but it's more complicated—'' His words were got off.

''Mike, what the hell are—'' Tony stopped talking and walking when he saw Gibbs sitting on the chair.

Gibbs locked eyes with him, before his eyes roomed around Tony's body. All he could see were the bruises. ''Jesus Tony'' Was the first thing he could say after a minute.

Fortunate for Tony he stood in between rooms and he could lean against and hold the door frame, because he had to feeling that his legs were going to give in. ''I uh... wasn't expecting you so soon'' He said honestly.

''I wasn't going to be here now'' Gibbs stood up and walked over to Tony. His hand went up and his finger trailed over the bruise on his jaw. He didn't know why he did it, he just had the urge to touch the younger man. ''We need to talk'' He said and retreated his hand.

Tony took a deep breath, not only because of the shiver he felt when the finger touched him, as well as they pulled back, but also because he didn't want to talk, but he knew he had to ''I know'' Gibbs pulled Tony's arm over his shoulder and helped him over to the couch, sitting him down next to Miguel. ''Thanks'' Tony tried to stop that annoying feeling he got every time Gibbs was that close to him.

Gibbs sat down on the coffee table, seeing even more, how much alike Miguel and Tony were. ''Like I said to your... cousin mike, I came here earlier, because I got an email'' Tony looked at Miguel, both thinking the same thing. Gibbs rolled his eyes. ''It's not the time to be surprised that I opened an email DiNozzo!'' He snapped, knowing what they were thinking.

Both looking back Miguel raised his eyebrows. ''_Wow, Tony's wasn't kidding about the mind reading_'' He thought.

''Sorry'' Tony whispered and looked down.

''Rule six, Tony'' Gibbs voice softened. ''I know what happened to you this weekend. The email had an video attached to it, showing how you were beaten up'' Tony still didn't look at him. Gibbs snapped his fingers in front of Tony, ''Hey, look at me'' Tony slowly looked at Gibbs, but again he couldn't hold to look in Gibbs in the eyes. Gibbs sighed. ''_Okay not going to work this time'' _he thought. ''That was did weekend, wasn't it?''

''Yeah'' Tony whispered.

''And it was at a family reunion. Abby told me about it'' Gibbs said.

''Yeah'' Tony whispered again.

''So the ones who beat you... are your family?'' Gibbs asked in a statement.

''Yeah'' Tony repeated.

''Tony'' Gibbs was annoyed, but his voice showed concern too. ''You have to give me more than that''

Tony sighed. ''I can't believe that son of a bitch recorded it'' He said and ran a hand over his face.

''Who?'' Gibbs wanted to know.

Tony looked at him for a second when he said, ''My father. Anthony DiNozzo Sr.''

Gibbs was shocked and it showed in his face, when Tony glanced at him. ''Your father? You father did this'' He waved with his hand over to Tony's body. ''To you?''

''And his noble slaves'' Tony mumbled.

Gibbs looked over at Miguel confused.

''Silvo and Connor.. other cousins. They're from Senior's sister Elda'' Miguel explained to Gibbs. ''They work for him and do everything he says''

''Did this happened before. You went to a reunion every 5 years'' Gibbs asked.

''No. It's a reunion for the family from my mother's side of the family. Father never goes to the reunions...I haven't seen him in eighteen years'' He lied, but Miguel also didn't know that fact. ''I didn't know he would be there'' Tony explained.

''And before those eighteen years?'' Gibbs asked, wanted to know. Confirm what he saw.

Tony's head shot up and his eyes locked with the steely blue one's. ''Why do you asked that?''

''I saw the video. When Silvo... or Connor pulled up you shirt... I saw there were already scars on your back. I maybe not Ducky, but I can see when somethings old or not'' Gibbs told him, calmly.

''_Should have known that Gibbs would have see that. Always observant_'' Tony though and he groaned putting his head in his hands again. ''I don't want to talk about it'' He said in his hands.

''Tony'' Gibbs sighed. ''_Come on! I want to help you''_

''No!'' Tony's voice was raised and his eyes came from his hands again and stared at Gibbs. Gibbs saw that the mask had completely faded, knowing that was reason why Tony put his face in his hands. He saw how broken the younger man was ''If you wanna know about my past so much, ask Miguel!'' He waved at his friend. ''He found out 22 _years_, 4 _months_ and 17 _days_ ago! He knows the most of what happened! If you want to know something ask him!'' Tony ignored the sering pain that shot through his body. He took several deep breaths and then he sank completely in the couch. ''I can't tell you...'' Tony's voice cracked and nothing more than a whisper.

The tears threatened to fall out of frustration that Gibbs had let his mask fall, like he knew that would happen.

* * *

_**Okay so Gibbs knows, but it wasn't like Tony wanted it to be and now he's more forced than he was before to talk about, or let someone tell him his story.**_

_**What did you think? you liked it? I hope so! Let me know with a review! **_

_**Love ya'll! Leonie**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Sorry for the delay guys! i was really busy and i didn't seem to get any time to write or post! :O so when i did find the time, i made sure to make it even a little longer! whaha**_

_**Thank you for all the reviews and all the new followers and such! i truly love you guys! **_

_**Enjoy your reading!**_

* * *

It was silent for a few minutes as Gibbs and Miguel were both a little shocked by the whisper of Tony. Tony still had his hands in his hair and he just wanted this all to be disappeared, over, gone... never happened. But he knew that wouldn't be the case.

Finally Miguel was the one who spoke up. ''What exactly do you want me to tell... cause I can tell a lot, but I don't think i should do that'' He asked.

''Just tell him what happened this weekend and how my father was. He will figure it out'' Tony said against his hands, not looking up from them.

Miguel nodded and looked at Gibbs, who was waiting for some kind of explanation. ''Well like I said I'm Tony's cousin. I'm the son of Tony's mother's sister . Like every five years we have a family reunion in my mother's second house. It's the house where Tony grew up in'' He explained. Gibbs just listened, not showing any kind of emotion. ''After Tony's mother... past away, Senior wanted to get rid of the house for his own stupid reasons. My mom bought it, to honor aunt Rose last wish, that it would stay in the family''

''That's nice but why did what happened this weekend happen?'' Gibbs wanted to know.

Miguel sighed. ''Ever since Senior sent Tony to boarding schools, Tony hadn't seen him since. Whenever he came back for vacation he stayed with us. Senior didn't want to 'waste his time' anymore with Tony, only when he felt that Tony deserved it...'' Again Miguel searched if Gibbs understood, but his face was unreadable.

''This weekend was supposed to be only our side of Tony's family... apparently that was not the case. Tony tried to avoid him this whole weekend and I and some others helped, but eventually. Connor and Silvo found him and well... history kinda repeated himself''

Gibbs looked over at Tony. He knew what Miguel meant by that but he wanted to hear it. ''What do you mean?''

''I figure that you know that Tony's and Senior's relationship wasn't the best?'' Miguel asked. Gibbs nodded. ''Well let's just say that what you saw in the video, was just something that was a weekly if not daily routine in the DiNozzo household for four years. Since Rose died, Tony was eight at that time, until he was sent off to boarding school, he was 12 then''

''Jesus, Tony!'' Gibbs exclaimed. ''Why didn't tell me anything''

Tony's head shot up. ''How am I supposed to bring something like that up?'' Tony snapped. ''Just randomly show up in the basement. Take a beer or bourbon and say. 'Oh hey boss? Did you know that my father used to whip me because he _thought_ I let his drink fall? That he would throw me out of the house in the winter in only my underwear, because I had my music too loud? That he beat me_ into a coma_ for four days! Because I wanted to celebrate my mom's birthday! That when I was 15 that he let me get—'' He stopped when he realized what he wanted to say, that no one knew, not even Miguel. No he couldn't say that. ''_Why the hell did you begin that sentence!''_ His mind shouted. It would break him when somebody knew.

Breathing heavy because of the sudden adrenalin kick, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to control his anger. ''Yeah that is really something to bring up in a conversation'' He said sarcastically, looking back at his hands.

Gibbs glanced over to Miguel, seeing he shared the confused look at the same sentence, then looked at Tony again. Confused or not, he also felt anger, rage, furious. His knuckles went white when as he clenched his hands into fists. He took a deep breath to remain calm before speaking again. ''So what was his reason to _abuse _you this time?'' He asked.

Tony remained silent. He had said too much already. He even wanted to say—. ''_NO!_'' He yelled in his mind, his own knuckled whitened as he gripped in his sweatpants.

''Tony?'' Gibbs asked concerned. ''Come on, Tony''

Miguel sighed, knowing that Tony had shut down. ''Seniors reason to hit him now was that he thought that Tony had forgotten how to speak to him. It was a reminder of what would happen when you don't show respect to him''

Gibbs nodded. ''Tony'' He looked back at him. Tony didn't move nor did it seem like he had heard anything. Gibbs moved his hand to Tony's knee, hoping to get his attention.

Tony jumped when he felt the touch. ''Don't touch me!'' He shouted. Gibbs pulled back shocked by the sudden yell. He didn't understand why Tony reacted that way, neither did he understand, why Tony looked at him, with widened eyes and was breathing heavy.

Tony slowly realized something and looked with fear and then suddenly looked doqn again ''Sorry''

''_Again apologizing!_'' Gibbs thought. ''Deep thoughts?''

Tony frowned at the tone Gibbs was speaking with. So soft and gentle. Something that he hadn't heard, not when he was speaking to him anyway.

''Hard not to in this kind of situation. I've have tried since I was 15 not to think about my father. To avoid him, just willing to think that he never excited and now...'' He trailed off.

''What do you want us to do, Tony?'' Gibbs asked.

''If I wanted you to do anything, don't you think I would've come to you on my own?'' Tony snapped, it wasn't intended but he did.

''So you let just let them get away with everything? With everything you have been through?'' Gibbs asked a little in disbelieve.

''Don't you get it?'' Tony narrowed his eyes. ''My father can buy his way out off everything. He has done it more times then I caught a bad guy! It's no use and what good is in it for me, it's not like it takes away every bruise, scar, broken bone he had gotten me or shrinks that I have seen'' He stated.

Gibbs was at the loss of words. What are you supposed to say about that? He sighed. ''When... I lost Shannon and Kelly, I didn't thought anything could take away the pain''

''What has that anything to do with this?'' Tony whispered, knowing that it was a hard subject for his boss. Miguel just watched the interaction, he had never seen Tony this way.

''The day your mom died you didn't only lose her, Tony. You lost a piece of yourself too'' Gibbs pointed out. ''When Shannon and Kelly died, I started my own case, with the help of Mike Franks, to get the bastard that killed them. Yes I'm still hurt, no I didn't get them back, but shooting Hernandez, gave me some closure to move on''

''You want me to shoot my own father'' Tony almost laughed at the idea. Almost, but it was just a whisper.

''No! But trying to lock him up, sends him something that you no longer put up with what he has done! What he has done isn't right and you didn't deserve any of it!'' Gibbs tried to explain.

''You can say that, but all I have known for those twenty-two years is that I _do _deserve it. It's not something that I can get out of my head, Boss. I have tried, God I have tried. But I can't'' Tony's voice cracked. He was trying so hard to not break down now.

''Look at me'' Gibbs tried again. Tony closed his eyes instead. Gibbs sighed and reached out his hands to grab Tony's, glad that he didn't flinch this time. ''Tony, look at me'' He repeated. After a moment, Tony did. Gibbs could see that Tony was trying very hard to keep his emotion in check. He didn't know why he had the urge to touch Tony. They never did. but somehow he needed to now. ''Do you trust me?''

''Of course, you got my six, boss'' Tony said, confused why Gibbs even asked that question.

''I'm not here as your boss. I know you trust me in the field and as your boss, but do you trust me as a friend and with your pain'' Gibbs asked.

Tony glanced at Miguel, who had been quiet this whole time. He couldn't believe that Gibbs was asking him the same question that Miguel did yesterday.

''Since when are you a therapist too?'' Tony asked.

''That's not an answer to my question, DiNozzo'' Gibbs said sternly.

Tony sighed. ''I don't know, boss'' He admitted.

''I have known you for seven years. We have each others backs on the field and you have mine out of work. You came to me on the day of the year that you know is hard for me, even when you didn't know what the day was about, you knew I needed someone, even though I pushed everyone away, yelled at you to go, you never left'' Gibbs said. ''I trusted you with my pain, and now I ask you the same thing to trust me with yours'' He finished. He squeezed Tony's hand in encouragement.

Tony looked down at his joined hands. Gibbs was right. The very first year he worked for Gibbs, he knew something was up, one day. He didn't know what it was and he respected Gibbs's privacy too much to investigate it. He just showed up at his house and when Gibbs got mad, He didn't leave, just sat there, looking at him as he yelled at him and was working on that damn boat. The second year he did the same and Gibbs did too, only now rambling Gibbs's ears off. Gibbs had given up fighting the third year Tony had come that same day of the year and just made small talk actually distracted him somewhat.

He again looked at Miguel again and he actually smiled. ''You were right, Mike. I have to start let him into my life, my whole life. It isn't fair to let him trust me, if it isn't mutual'' He looked back at Gibbs. ''You are too. It's just going to take me a long time before I tell you everything, really everything''

''We got time, I'm not going anywhere'' Gibbs said. He looked at Tony. God he looked tired, almost as if he could fall asleep here right now. ''But right now, you have to rest''

''I'm really sorry'' Tony said and looked down again.

''No apologies, Tony'' Gibbs let go of one hand pointed a finger at him.

''I know rule six—'' Tony wanted to remind him.

''No, not because of that. You can't apologize for anything that was not your fault'' Gibbs said. ''I know that you don't believe it right now, but I'm going to keep telling it you until you do, understood?''

Tony nodded. ''Okay'' He stood up but he was too fast. He closed his eyes and grimaced in pain, stumbling, almost falling.

''Wow!'' Miguel grabbed his arm as Gibbs grabbed the other one and wrapped his other arm around Tony's waist to keep him from falling down.

''Let go. I can stand'' Tony protested, looking at Miguel.

''So what now? I have to let go, but he can hold you?'' Miguel acted offended, but smirked. Tony's look of protest turned into a glare. The smirk faded. ''Right... not the time'' He let go of Tony.

Gibbs was a little confused by their weird conversation. He felt a head leaning on his shoulder and looked down at Tony. His eyes fluttering close for a second. ''Oh no you don't. Gotta get you in bed first'' He said.

''I'm with you, boss'' Tony mumbled and they started walking towards the bed room.

Miguel watched them go and grinned to himself. ''_Tony himself doesn't know how bad he has it!'' _He shook his head and plopped back down on the couch.

Gibbs and Tony walked into the bedroom and helped Tony sit on the edge of the bed. Gibbs took a seat next to Tony. ''Rest. Talk later'' The hand that was still wrapped out Tony's, unknowingly traveled to Tony's back and made comfortable circles.

''In all the years that I know you. I've never heard you say so much as in this last hour'' Tony tried to lighten to mood, ignoring the shiver that went through his spine.

''I talk when it's necessary'' Gibbs simply said.

''Are you going to stay with me?'' Tony asked.

''If you want that, sure. But you have Mike too'' Gibbs said.

''Mike is going away tomorrow, he can't leave his wife and daughter for me'' Tony said.

''That's the only difference between you and Mike?'' Gibbs asked with a smirk.

''There are more differences, but those are facts you don't know about me'' Tony said. Gibbs stared at him. ''Yet. You don't know about me yet'' He quickly added.

''Are you saying that I'm going to know the whole Tony DiNozzo?'' Gibbs's eyebrows went up.

''In time, maybe'' Tony said sincerely. He went further up the bed and crawled back under the covers. ''I'm trying Gibbs, to talk to you, but next to Miguel or his mom I never told anyone. Hell if Miguel didn't wanted to play with me when I was a kid, he wouldn't have known''

''Just keep trying, Tony'' Gibbs said looking down at Tony. ''I'm going to help you in any way you'll let me'' He involuntarily reached out his fingers and let them slide over the bruise on his jaw again. Just slide, no pressure, so it wouldn't hurt.

The touch made Tony close his eyes and shiver again.

''I have to go back to the office, but I'll be back'' Gibbs wanted to stand up and leave but Tony grabbed his wrist. He looked down at it for a moment then back at Tony. His eyes full of fear.

''Don't tell them!'' Tony almost pleaded.

''I have to tell them something, especially Abby, she and the rest know somethings up, but you know Abby will not let it go''

Tony took a long deep breath. ''Tell them that I'm not feeling well, It's the truth. and no I don't want to see any of them. It's a 'need-to-know' and—''

''They don't need to know'' Gibbs finished. He sighed. ''Alright, but now, you rest'' He said and wanted to walk away again, but still felt the fingers around his wrist. ''You have to let me go, Tony, otherwise Abby will be here in an hour'' He smirked

Tony hadn't even realized that he was still holding him.''_Dammit, DiNozzo!_'' As he was struggling not to blush, he let go. ''Right, sorry'' He said quietly, pulled back and settled in his bed.

''I'll be back later'' Gibbs reassured him. He walked away and closed the door quietly behind him.

He walked back to the living room, sat down on the chair again and sighed deep, running a hand over his face. Miguel got up instead and went in the direction of the kitchen. Gibbs wasn't sure what he was going to do. When Miguel came back he had a bottle and a glass in hand. He poured in the alcohol and handed it to Gibbs

Gibbs was surprised as the smell of bourbon hit him and looked up at Miguel again. ''How did you know?'' Gibbs asked.

''About the bourbon?'' Miguel asked as he sat down again. He smirked. ''Like I said, Tony talks a lot about you''

''I can imagine Tony telling you, what a the second B in Gibbs is for'' He smirked back and downed the drink. God, he needed a drink.

''He did'' Miguel nodded. ''But it's mostly good. I don't see him that much, my wife and he talk a lot over the phone, tells her everything what happened, about cases and stuff'' He saw the way Gibbs looked at him. ''Don't worry he doesn't share details that he can't talk about, but sometimes, he just wants a listening ear and my wife and my daughter are both good at listening''

''How old is your daughter?'' Gibbs asked interested.

''Four months'' Miguel smiled proudly. ''When you can't talk back, your good at listening, but that gets less everyday. But I think that she will for Tony. She adores him already''

''Tony doesn't know how much kids like him'' Gibbs said with a sad smile.

''I'm sorry to hear about your wife and daughter, I can't imagine what you've been through'' Miguel said remembering what Gibbs said earlier.

''Tony, didn't tell you?''

''God no! He won't do that. He respects you way too much to tell anyone those things. No, Tony would take that to his grave, like so many things he hasn't told me what has been going on'' Miguel said.

''Yeah'' Gibbs knew that. He looked over at Miguel again and changed the subject. ''You constantly said that he hasn't seen his father, since he was twelve, but Tony was talking about fifteen, twice, in the conversation'' Gibbs said.

''I've noticed'' Miguel nodded. ''But he stopped every time when the age came up''

''You don't know where that age stands for?'' Gibbs asked.

''I don't know if it has anything to do with Senior'' Miguel paused, unsure if he should tell this story. Then he sighed and began. ''Tony was back from boarding school that year, to visit me and my mom and dad. It was a great summer, especially for Tony, never had seen him so happy than then'' He smiled, remembering why it was great for Tony. ''But the last few days... He went out on a date... or at least we thought he was, We didn't see him for those last two nights. First thought came into mind that Tony was being... Tony'' Miguel said.

Gibbs nodded, yeah it would be a Tony thing to do, but he knew that it was likely not that simple. ''But?''

''But... he came home two hours before the flight. He looked beat up, tired, emotionless, like his body was moving, but he wasn't there. He never said a word to us and went back to his boarding school. Haven't spoken to him or seen him for two _years_'' Miguel explained. ''Then he called me out of the blue and he was like the old Tony again''

''You never discovered what it was about? Never talked to his date?'' Gibbs asked.

Miguel laughed half hearted. ''I'm not a investigator, Agent Gibbs. And whatever it was Tony still has problems because with it. And Tony has spent all those years to hide the pain I saw that day. If he doesn't want to talk about it and you push, he shuts down. I was kinda hoping you could help him'' Miguel admitted.

''How would you think I could do that'' Gibbs asked was surprised.

''I don't know. You're the Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Tony talks about his Goth friend, the Ninja friend and the Geek friend... uhm the Autopsy Gremlin and the old ME Ducky? Oh and the Red-hair director'' Miguel smirked. ''But you are always Gibbs, the marine, the pack leader who always looks out for his people, the man of the rules''

''He really talks about me that much?'' His eyebrows went up.

''More then you will ever know or he realizes'' Miguel grinned. What he was saying could cost him his head with Tony, because knowing Gibbs he would start thinking and when Gibbs was thinking, things would be discovered, but he saw the interest that Gibbs had in Tony and he couldn't help himself.

''I don't know how to help him'' Gibbs admitted. Downing his second glass of bourbon.

''_Okay that was new_'' Miguel thought. Tony never told Miguel that Gibbs could be this way. ''Trust me, you're already helping him by just be there for him. It means more to him then he will admit''

Again Gibbs was surprised. ''_What is he trying to point out_?_'' _Gibbs thought. ''So, Tony went back to you from boarding school. Something happened in the last two days, that has something to do with his date or what I think his father'' He cleared our. ''_Or both_'' He thought. ''Then comes back, packs his stuff, goes back to school and never lets anything hear from him for two years?''

''That would be the short version'' Miguel nodded. ''He never told me and I asked him once, he paled, stumbled and almost fainted right in front of me''

Gibbs ran a hand through his hair. It was a little too much and he was realizing that he really didn't know Tony that well. ''_So much secrets_'' He thought ''I'm going to work and ask for some leave''

''I can take care of him'' Miguel said.

''Tony wants you to be home with your wife and daughter. And i agree with him. Never take anything for granted'' Gibbs told him.

''More like, he wants your here more then me'' Miguel mumbled and tried to hide the smirk.

Gibbs didn't hear him right. ''What was that?''

''One of your rules right? i don't know which one, but i know i heard Tony say that one'' Miguel quickly said.

''Rule number eight'' Gibbs smirked. He stood up and walked to the door. ''I'll be back later tonight''

''Okay'' Miguel nodded and heaved his bottle.

As Gibbs was walking out the apartment building and towards his car. All he wanted to do, was just tracing Senior and kill him himself personally... or at least beat him up and arrest him. But Tony didn't want that... yet and Gibbs wasn't going to disrespect that.

**...**

As Gibbs was driving to NCIS HQ, he thought about what he had learned about his SFA, so many things all made sense now. The flinches in the first three months when he gave Tony the head slap. Of course Tony still does that, in surprise, but back then it was different. Why Tony was always tensed when it was were kids in the case, always staring and observing the parents, as if he was searching of making sure that there wasn't something else. Also the little and few things Tony had spoken off about his parents.

His mind went to the weird confusion of Tony, first saying that he was 12 when he last saw his father and then saying he was 15, but it looked like, he misspoke himself about it. Okay, so that age, and about what Mike told him, there was definitely something up with that and he wanted to find out. God, he wanted to know about Tony's past, wanted to know, what made Tony... Tony, but he didn't wanted it to be this way or he didn't want it to be what he was going to learn.

After a 20 minute drive of actually normal driving, knowing that, these thoughts and his driving style, were not a combination, he parked his car in the NCIS parking lot again. He silently thanked someone, that he hadn't been called for a case or even more surprisingly by Abby.

Walking into the bullpen with suddenly a coffee in hand, both Ziva and McGee looked at him ''Boss, where have you been?'' McGee asked.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows as he looked at him. ''Since when do you sound like my father McGee?'' He asked.

''Right, none of my business'' McGee said.

''Still, McGee'' Ziva spoke up. ''You were gone when we got here, and without Tony we didn't know what to do, kind of worried''

''If you were worried then why didn't you call me?'' Gibbs turned to her.

''We were just about too'' She explained.

''I'm fine, I was with Tony'' Gibbs explained.

''He okay?'' McGee asked.

''Really not feeling well and really tired'' Gibbs said. ''_Not a lie!_''

''Did he see a doctor?'' Ziva asked a little concerned.

Gibbs thought for a moment, but then remembered, he had seen a bottle of painkillers sitting on Tony's nightstand. ''Yeah, It's nothing too serious, but he will be out for the week I think''

''He's going to be okay right?'' Ziva asked. Gibbs telling her that it wasn't serious didn't convince her when he told her that that he wouldn't be back in a week.

''It's DiNozzo, he had the plague, he'll be fine'' He said. ''He just uh... just asked for some privacy and not to come over in case you wanted to do that'' McGee and Ziva both frowned and exchanged looks. Gibbs could see the confusion and worry. ''It's nothing personal against you guys. You will know what's going on, when he's ready and I trust you both to respect that, no secret case or whatever'' He pointed a finger first to Ziva and then to McGee.

''No boss'' McGee and Ziva said at once, but again shared a look.

Gibbs turned towards the elevators and it took him down to the lab.

''I'm still worried'' Ziva spoke up while she walked to her desk. ''Nothing was wrong and now it's feels like he's been in the hospital for weeks or something''

''I know, but Gibbs is right we have to trust him, if he says that he will be fine then he will be fine'' McGee said.

''For now'' Ziva said as she looked at him. ''If I get the feeling that it gets worse, You and Gibbs know as good as I do that, I will start searching'' McGee nodded to that.

**...**

Abby was pacing in her lab when Gibbs entered. He watched her and waited for her to notice him. She was mumbling to herself and the only thing he could made out of it was his name and Tony's name.

''Abby...'' Gibbs tried. Nothing. ''Abbs?'' He said what louder. still nothing and she kept rambling. He sighed ''ABBY!'' He shouted.

Abby jumped and stopped in her tracks. ''Gibbs!'' She called out and hugged him. ''Where were you? Ziva and McGee said that you weren't here and then you I had the feeling not to call, but I was so worried, because Tony wasn't here today and he isn't picking up and that is so against rule 3 and—''

''Abby!'' He stopped her and pulled back. ''I'm fine, I was with Tony''

''You were?'' She asked, half believing it. ''He's not okay is he? What's wrong? does he need a hug, can I see him? Is he sick? OMG! He's not going to die is he?''

''Yes, no, can't tell you, yes, no and NO!'' Gibbs answered.

''Tony needs a hug, but I can't see him? That doesn't make sense'' Abby frowned.

''He doesn't want to see you'' Gibbs put his hands on her shoulders. He saw the pain in her eyes. ''It's a long story, but trust me it's better for now''

''What happened?'' She whispered.

''He has to tell you himself, if he ever wants to. But you gotta trust me and promise me that you let him call''

''But he's going to be fine, right?'' Abby asked.

''He will. I'll take care of it'' Gibbs told her.

''Ahh! Are you going to be all papa bear on him?'' Abby asked.

Gibbs grimaced in his mind. _''God! I hate it when they say that about me if it involves Tony_'' He thought. ''I gonna take care of him'' he repeated only.

She hugged him again. ''Tell him that we are worried''

''He knows'' Gibbs kissed her temple. ''But now you have to clean your lab'' He said looking around. Nothing was done, Abby was too busy worrying by herself.

She wanted to give him a small smile, but it just looked sad. She knew that something was wrong and Tony not wanting her around just broke her heart even more. ''Yeah.. I should do that''

Gibbs hugged her again, before walking out.

**...**

A couple of hours later, Tony woke up. He felt a little better well... physically, the drugs were still working and the sleep did him good. However, mentally he was more than a rack than ever. Tony, knew and they were going to talk more, but Gibbs was patient for that. He thanked whoever it was who was watching over him up there, willing it to be his mother, because he wasn't as much of a catholic as his father was or wanted him to be. Again something he had done wrong, in his fathers eyes. Ever since then.

He sat up slowly against the headboard and thought about the shivers he felt thinking of the words Gibbs had said to him. It wasn't his the grumpy, not-showing-emotion boss that was talking to him, it was his friend, someone he didn't or rarely saw, the one he wanted to see so much more, but this wasn't the way he wanted the man to show, that he cared about him. ''_So messed up_'' Tony thought. He rubbed a hand over his face and looked at the clock. *5:30 pm*

Tony pulled back the covers and turned, sitting the edge of the bed for a moment, he took a deep breath. He still felt a little heavy from the drugs, but at least the pain on his ribs and head were much less. When he heard noise from the kitchen, he looked up to the closed door and shook his head. ''_Comes here for 7 years and still doesn't know where the stuff lies'' _He thought with a smile and decided to help his friend.

As Tony walked down the hall and into the kitchen, he leaned against the door frame, watching Miguel searching through the _wrong _cabinets for whatever he was searching for.

_''Tony sempre con così tanta indesiderata_'' Miguel cursed, when he opened a cabinet and a plate fell down onto the kitchen counter. Thankfully it was plastic.

''Since when do you know how to speak Italian?'' The voice caused Miguel to jump and turn around.

''Shit Tony! Don't do that to me! I want to see my daughter grow up'' Miguel said holding his heart.

''You're the one staying here and cursing about how much the junk I have in my house'' Tony smirked and came into the kitchen. Miguel rolled his eyes. ''What is it that you were seeking?''

''cups...'' Miguel said. ''I wanted something else then beer, but I couldn't find any cups for coffee'' Miguel explained.

Tony walked towards the dishwasher and opened it, seeing 6 cups in their, but it hadn't been turned on yet. ''You would think having a dishwasher would make it easier to catch up with your dishes, wouldn't you?''

Miguel just nodded. Tony grabbed three mugs and cleaned them under the hot water. He let one on the counter and poured two others in for him and Miguel. They both sat down at the dining table and fell silent. Tony was stirring his spoon around in his mug, looking at the color changing from black to lighter, as he liked it, then he just kept stirring it. Miguel watched him as Tony was clearly away in his thoughts.

''You alright?'' He finally asked.

''Hmm?'' Tony looked up to his friend. ''Yeah, medication is working''

''Okay'' Miguel shrugged. After a few minutes he spoke again, ''Gibbs is a good man. Can clearly see that he cares about his people'' He watched Tony's face making a frown. ''What?''

''Nothing... It's just weird. I've never seen him like this. He never sounded like that.. not with me anyway'' Tony explained. Miguel nodded.

Tony looked at the phone lying on the table and and picked it up. He had turned it off, after he had called Gibbs. He didn't want to think about the all the missed calls or messages from his team mates.

''And that is bothering you... because?'' Miguel asked, but didn't get a answer and so he answered himself. ''Because, you maybe have a tiny crush on him?''

Tony's eyes shot from the phone to Miguel. ''What?'' He asked in disbelieve, that Miguel really just said that.

Miguel laughed. ''Oh come on, Tony! I'm not the smartest but I'm not stupid or blind either''

''Okay... maybe... I don't know'' Tony sighed.

''Finally! He admits it!'' Miguel all but threw his arms up, as if he won something, making Tony smiling sadly. Miguel lowered his arms and looked at Tony. ''Ah come on it isn't that bad''

''How is, having _crush_ on your 100% straight _boss_, who was married four and divorced three times, who only likes red-heads, who, again, is my _boss_, not bad?'' Tony asked in disbelieve.

''hmm... let me see, how can a 100% straight guy, who only, except from Peter, chases everything that is a woman, was engaged to be married to his teacher, said he never is interested in guys, how can it that it has a crush on his guy boss?'' Miguel countered. ''Tony you said yourself that you are actracted to the person not the gender. Why not take the chance?''

''_Shit!''_ Tony thought. He knew Miguel was right. But before he could admit that, the name of his first and only boyfriend snapped back in his mind. ''Don't bring Peter into this!'' Tony hissed.

''Still snappy on that subject?'' Miguel raised his eyebrows. Tony glared at him. Miguel just leaned forward. ''What happened Tony? It was the happiest I ever saw you'' The glaring eyes went back to the coffee once again. ''Fine, don't tell me. But I put it together already and you know that's part of the reason that you don't do anything now''

Tony rubbed his forehead and sighed. ''Can you just let it go?''

''Yeah yeah... So, am I the only one that knows about your little _crush_ on your boss?'' He asked with a smirk, never expecting the answer to that.

''No'' Tony stated.

''Wait? You do everything you can to deny it to me and now you say that someone else already knows? You are a weird guy, Anthony''

''I didn't mean to say it'' Tony only said.

''And again, you're not going to tell me anything further?'' Miguel asked in a statement.

''Nope'' Tony said and finally took a sip of his coffee and showing that he enjoyed it. They both sat there silently as they drank their coffee. After 5 minutes Tony emptied his cup and spoke again. ''What did you two talked about, after I fell asleep?'' Miguel frowned. ''What? You think I believe that he went back to the office immediately. I know Gibbs, he would try to interrogate you''

''You're right, he tried, but I just kept telling him that everything he wants to know, he should ask you'' Miguel said. ''But I tell you he has more questions, then you think, cause he noticed and knows more that you think''

''Great'' Tony rolled his eyes.

**...**

Gibbs came out of Jenny's office and walked down the stairs. He had told her that Tony had a family emergency and wouldn't be able to work. He didn't lie. ''_Great! Tony had learned that trick from him..._''He thought. He himself had taken personal days, to '_be there for his coworker_' He had said.

He strolled into the bullpen and looked at the two agents that were still here, seeing that they were both just doing old cases and it was 6:30 pm, he decided that they were done. ''Go home, guys. Today were didn't have a case, doesn't mean you won't have tomorrow''

As she was already packing up, Ziva noticed what he had said. ''You? As in McGee and I and not you?'' She asked surprised.

''No. I am going over to DiNozzo'' Gibbs explained. ''You will be doing cold cases and Balboa will yell for you when they get a case and you will help them out''

McGee and Ziva shared a look and then looked back at him. ''How long are you not here?'' Ziva was the first to speak up.

''I think a week or so, not sure'' Gibbs said.

''Tony really is going to be okay?'' McGee asked.

''Yeah, McGee. Now go home, before I change my mind and let you sort out the basement'' Gibbs said. Both Ziva and McGee nodded. McGee said goodbye and walked to the elevator.

Ziva was still busy with packing her stuff when McGee disappeared behind the elevator doors. She was just about to say goodbye too, when her phone made a buzzing noise. She leaned back against her desk and read her text.

_**I'm sorry if you are worried about me. I'll be fine, just need some time.  
Miguel is here though and he found out, about you-know-who today.  
X Tony**_

Ziva frowned, because of two things in the text. ''_He apologized, he never does that'' _The second thing however took a moment before she knew what he was talking about and then smirked. She was glad that he texted her, better then nothing. She thought for moment and then texted back.

_**Do not be sorry, for me being worried. You know I tell you all the time that we care about you.  
I do not know what happened, but just tell me if you need to talk and without you being drunk, this time, I hope that you were not drunk when Miguel found out, but it is good that you have someone more to talk about it. I want to meet him, maybe together we can convince you just to talk to Gibbs about it ;)  
X Ziva**_

Ziva felt Gibbs' eyes on her and she looked up to him. She gave him a small smile and got one in return.

''Tony'' she said. ''Telling me he was sorry for making us worry''

''That's the 7th time he apologized, without being it necessary'' Gibbs sighed. ''But it's good that he texted you''

'' I do not know what happened, but if he's hurting than I think that you are the one to help him'' Ziva said.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows at her. ''_Again with that! First Miguel and now her..._'' He thought. ''Going over there in fifteen minutes. Tell him that I'll bring pizza'' Gibbs said. He thought it was easier then him texting Tony for that.

''Will do'' Ziva said and her her phone buzzed again as she walked to the elevator. She got into the elevator and read it.

_**Maybe someday you will meet him, Ninja. And no I was not drunk. Again sorry about that by the way. Was not one of my best days.  
Miguel just figured it out when Gibbs was here today, going to be **_**fun w****_hen he comes later. _**

Gibbs saw Ziva shook her head and grin as the doors closed.

_**Look forward to it. Oh and I was ordered to tell you that Gibbs brings Pizza.  
Hope that I speak to you soon.**_

And then she stepped into the garage and walked to her car to go home.

* * *

_**So that's it for this chapter i promise i will update it it sooner next time! Let me know what you think so far in a review, cause you know by now that i love them ;)  
**_

_**Oh the Italian that Miguel spoke was: ''Tony always have so much Junk!'' **_

_**-X- Leonie**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**OMG guys i'm soooooo very sorry! i had a difficult time writing this chapter and with no time it just kinda... yeah you get my point! i'm sooo sorry and i hope i can write more often.**_

_**Thanks for all the reviews and the new followers and such, i love you and i hope you can forgive me!**_

_**Enjoy your reading :)**_

* * *

Miguel came into the Tony's apartment again. He had said to Tony that he had something in his trunk that he wanted it to get out of there. He didn't say what and that left Tony curious.

Tony looked up as he heard the door opening and closing.

''Tada!'' Miguel said as he came into the living room and held up a black western Guitar.

''I can't believe you brought your guitar!'' Tony laughed.

''What?'' Miguel tried to act innocently as he walked over to the chair. ''I love playing. I have to do something, you bore me easily'' He stated and began to tune his guitar.

''I bore you?'' Tony he laughed, amused. ''Well sorry for not being a great host right now'' Tony watched him and couldn't help himself, when Miguel stroked over the strings and it didn't sound right. ''That one isn't right'' He said and pointed to the the second bottom string.

Miguel tried again and heard it this time and tuned it right this time. ''Is it okay of I play a little bit?''

Tony narrowed his eyes at Miguel, searching if he was up to something, Miguel was just emotionless and it didn't seem like it, so he nodded.

Miguel grabbed a plectrum from his pocket. He repositioned himself on the chair and held the plectrum on the string, looked over to his other hand and changed his fingers every second thinking of a song. After a few minutes, a smile appeared on his face and the fingers stopped changing. He took a deep breath and began to play.

Tony shook his head as soon as he heard the chords. He knew that number very well. It wasn't his normally music he listened to, well it wasn't he told the team he listened to. Sure he also listened to Sinatra and stuff, he enjoyed that. But his own music was not the same as that or this kind. So he knew this song.

''_Another turning point a fork stuck in the road_'' Miguel began to sing. He looked up to Tony for a second and shared a grin with him.

''_Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go.  
So make the best of this test and ask why,  
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time'' _

Miguel looked up and saw that Tony clearly enjoyed it, even though he didn't want to show it that much. He knew that Tony wouldn't last long and he grinned to himself.

''_It's something unpredictable,  
But in the end is right.  
I hope you have the time of your life'' _

Tony closed his eyes for a second, when few seconds of only instrumental sound was heard. He knew now what Miguel had been up to, but he couldn't bring himself up to resist it.

''_So that the photograph and still frames in your mind_'' Miguel and Tony both sang at the same time. Miguel fully grinned at Tony and only got a smile in return. Miguel nodded in approval, to let know that it was okay.

''_hang it on a shelf in good health and good time'' _Tony now sang alone.

_''Tattoo's of memories and dead skin on trail.  
For what it's worth it was worth all the while'' _

Tony's mind was running. It had been a long time since he had sang with Miguel. He really enjoyed it, but it never came up in his mind to do it, when he visited him and Neela. And now he was in the moment of just enjoying the song and the music like he used to in the summers he had spent with Miguel.

_''It's something unpredictable,  
But in the end is right.  
I hope you have the time of your life'' _

_''I hope you have the time of your... life'' _Tony sang again as Miguel finished the song on the guitar. Miguel let the guitar hang on his sling and clapped his hands over-dramatically. ''You were good'' Tony stated.

''Are you kidding me?!'' Miguel exclaimed. ''With the guitar maybe, but you know that you sing way better than me''

''That's what you keep saying'' Tony only said.

As Miguel was about to say something, a knock on the door was faster. ''Pizza delivery!'' Gibbs' voice came from the other side of the door.

Tony felt like he was head slapped. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 7:12 pm. ''_Shit!_'' He thought. Gibbs had most likely heard the music, because he had called to say he was going to be here at 7 and Gibbs was never too late. Tony shook his head and Miguel stood up.

Miguel walked over to the door and was greeted with a nod and the warm smell of pizza. ''Come in'' He said as he stepped aside for Gibbs.

Gibbs did and walked into the living room. Tony looked up. ''Hi boss''

''You feel alright, DiNozzo?'' He asked, hiding the interest of the music he heard just moments ago and the guitar standing against the couch.

''Physically, better. Not that much pain. Mentally... no'' He admitted. For Tony to admit that he was really not feeling well and not in a lie was a concern by itself.

''Here'' Gibbs said and handed the pizza over to Tony.

The smell only made Tony grin, but when he opened it his grin only widened. ''My favorite!'' He exclaimed and looked at Gibbs. ''Thanks!'' He grabbed a piece and shoved it half way in, taking a big bite.

Gibbs just shrugged and glanced over at Miguel who said down on the couch. ''Hope you like his favorite''

''Yeah, it's okay'' Miguel smiled, took a piece and did the same as Tony.

Gibbs actually snorted. ''I see the family resemblance'' He chuckled and took a piece pizza himself.

''Yeah, our mothers head a thing for Italians'' Miguel said with his mouth full.

''Just like you and red-head boss'' Tony said, after he had swallowed his bite and grinned Gibbs glared at him and the grin faded. ''Wrong example. Sorry''

''it's okay. You're right, all my exes are red-heads and you know why'' Gibbs said in a soft tone. He didn't know why really, but he couldn't bring himself up to be the same grumpy man he always is around DiNozzo in the office or even when he surprisingly went out for a drink with them.

Tony nodded, but didn't say anything.

Again Gibbs glanced to the guitar and Miguel noticed. ''It's mine. Brought it along to entertain myself. I'm can't live on movies all day'' He smirked.

Gibbs did too. ''Sounded good'' He said and looked at Tony, who was still eating a slice of pizza in order not to talk. Gibbs shook his head.

''I try'' Miguel grinned.

After they ate the pizza and had put the dishes in the dish washer Miguel got a phone call. ''Hey Babe'' Miguel answered. He listened and Tony and Gibbs both saw his smile fall. ''How high?'' He asked. He frowned. ''What did the doctor say?'' He looked at Tony with concerned eyes. ''Yes, I'm coming, Just calm down, You did good, honey. Everything is gonna be alright'' Again silence. Miguel sighed. ''Love you too'' And with that he hung up.

''What happened?'' Tony asked concerned.

''Angy... Neela called because Angy has... how did she name it?'' He explained frustrated. He snapped his fingers. ''febrile seizure! And she's in the hospital for it''

Tony looked puzzled but he knew by the look on Miguel's face that it wasn't good. Gibbs saw the puzzled look and explained. ''That's when kids or babies get high fevers. They won't drink or eat because of it, get diarrhea and get dehydrated''

Tony nodded. He looked back at Miguel, who was pacing ''You should go''

''You sure? Neela would understand if—'' Miguel was cut off.

''No! Go, Angy is much more important than me for you at this moment. She's your daughter and she needs you. My father was never around when I got sick. Don't do that to your daughter Mike'' Tony's voice was harsh, but he wanted the point across.

Miguel looked over to Gibbs and hid a smile. ''_Just a coincidence?''_ He thought. Then Tony's voice came into his mind. ''_There are not such things are coincidences_'' Sometimes he really liked those rules. ''You're right. I uh will be on my way then. If you need anything, just call'' He said, while grabbing his guitar and his backpack.

''Thanks for everything and give your mother, Neela and Angy all three a kiss from me'' Tony said with a weak smile.

''Sure'' Miguel said. He turned to Gibbs. ''Keep an extra eye on him and just give him a head slap if necessary, just stay away from the bruise''

''Will do, but I can't guarantee he won't be in trouble. It tends to find him very easily'' Gibbs joked.

''Hey!'' Tony exclaimed, faking offended.

''Shut up, DiNozzo'' Gibbs glared. He looked back to Miguel ''Go to your daughter, she needs you'' He smiled.

''Nice to meet you, Agent Gibbs. Maybe we'll see each other again'' Miguel said and extended his hand.

''We'll see'' Gibbs said with a small smile and shook the younger mans hand.

After the door was closed Gibbs turned and saw that Tony had replaced himself on the couch. He let out a deep breath and let his head rest on the cushion, his eyes closed. It wasn't longer after that that he felt the couch sag next to him.

''I would make you coffee, but I don't know if I have enough for to make you, so you'll like it'' Tony spoke up, without moving. Gibbs hummed in reply. ''You get along very well with Mike. Had a good talk after I left''

''Yeah'' Gibbs said.

Tony opened his eyes and looked at his boss. He had done the same thing as Tony and leaned back with his eyes closed. ''You're not going to question me? Not going to push me into talking?''

''Nope''

''Who are you and what have you done to my bo— to Gibbs?'' Tony asked.

Gibbs opened his eyes and met Tony gazing at him. ''Tony, I'm not going to force you. You don't want to do anything, and I know how it is to talk about things that are hard''

''Sorry about that. I didn't mean to bring them up tonight. Or for you to bring them up yesterday'' Tony apologized.

''It's okay'' Gibbs reassured him.

It really was. He had learned over the years that he easily could talk about Shannon and Kelly with Tony. Tony just never asked or did something that brought it up. It confused Gibbs, that it was that easy to talk about them and other thing. It was the problem with all his failed marriages. The lack of talking.

Gibbs talked little to avoid things, Tony did the complete opposite. He could answer a question with a whole story. Have you completely off game and in the end, you still don't have an answer to your question. Gibbs had learned over the years that Tony in fact did answer the question, but he hid it and no one could read it between the line of his long stories. Gibbs himself was starting to learn and last night was a big example for that.

''Texted the others'' Tony began, pulling Gibbs out of his thoughts. ''Let them know, that they don't have to worry. Texted Abby last, knowing she would call me as soon she read the text. I think she called as soon a I turned it off''

''Why don't you want to see them?'' Gibbs asked calmly.

Tony's gaze fell to his. ''I just don't like it when people see that I am or was weak''

''You were not weak Tony. You had three against one, even Ziva would have difficulties with that''

''I seriously doubt that'' Tony laughed, but it was gone fast. ''It's just so long ago since I last saw him, and seeing him and Silvo and Connor, made me feel like I was little again, and the little me, couldn't fight against them, I tried for the first year, after my—'' He took a deep breath. ''It began. I could never win. Silvo and Connor are 6 years older then me, so they were stronger. I felt like I was 8 again, that room the whip... the strong alcohol smell'' Tony paused. ''I gave up before it even began... I think that requires as weak''

''You were having flashbacks and because of that your froze. That's not weak'' Gibbs said sternly.

''You saw the whole thing?'' Tony asked and looked up to see Gibbs nod. ''It wasn't that bad''

''Did you really mean it when you said that you were in a coma for four days?'' Gibbs asked hesitant. Tony nodded and looked away. ''What happened?''

Tony thought a moment as if he was recalling the afternoon and then he began to speak.

**..****_Flashback_****..**

_''How can you even think about that? She's dead, boy! She will not know what you're doing'' Senior yelled to his son. He blew out the candles on the cake that Tony had made and threw it across the room. _

_''But father I—'' Tony wanted to explain. But he was cut off by a slap onto his cheek. He stumbled backwards out of the bedroom. Why did his father not approve? His mother always told him that people who had passed away would look at you from heaven. Just like Nana does. Had she lied to him? That thought only hurt him and the tears welled up into his green eyes. _

_''It's a stupidest Idea you ever had and trust me you had many stupid ideas'' Senior shoved him towards the stairs. ''I think it's time for one of your lessons'' _

_Tony panicked and tried to run away, but just as he neared the stairwell and wanted to go downstairs, Senior grabbed his arm. ''You do not run away from me do you hear me!'' _

_The grip on Tony's arm hurt. He could feel that the pressure would make a bruise and that his blood was not flowing right, as his under arm began to tingle. ''Father, please let go of me! Please!'' He cried and tried to push himself free._

_''Listen to me—'' Seniors words were cut off as Tony began to hit the big hand on his arm._

_''Let. Me. Go!'' Tony yelled and hit his father into his stomach. It wasn't all that hard, but Senior was surprised and it caused for him to let his son go. _

_Tony looked wide eyed at his father. ''S.. sorry! I didn't mean it!'' He stammered. _

_''You are the worst'' He pushed Tony backwards again. ''most disrespectful'' Again a push and Tony could feel the edge of the top stair. He tried to keep balance. _

_''Daddy!'' He tried desperately, he never called him that. _

_''Miserable little brat that I have ever known!'' Senior finished and again shoved him. The scream made him realize what he just had done as he saw the boy fall backwards down the stairs. _

_The staircase had a corner and Tony hit his head along the way on the sharp edge of the corner. The last thing Senior heard what the hard blow of a cheek hitting the cold tiles flat, downstairs._

_It was silent a a while and Senior watched Tony lying on the ground, unmoving and slowly red fluid came from under his head. He heard the chef running to Tony, calling his name, but not getting an answer. Then he heard the chef calling for 911. Senior turned to take the other stairwell leading into the kitchen downstairs. _

**..****_End flashback_****..**

Gibbs listened to the story and even though he knew it was bad before, hearing the details for the first time, made him wanna throw up.

''When I woke up four days later, in the beginning I didn't know what happened. The chef sat next to me in the hospital room. He said that my father told him that I was playing and not paying attention. At first I believed him, cause I couldn't remember what happened back then'' Tony said.

''Didn't the doctors see the bruises you already had?'' Gibbs asked in disbelieve.

''They did. But knowing my father, he had paid them enough to keep their mouths shut'' Tony said. ''I can still see their faces in front of me. As if I was the most saddest puppy they had ever seen and yet they did nothing and never ask me about it''

''I'm pretty sure you were at that point'' Gibbs said softly.

''I laid in the hospital for two weeks and he came once, when no one was around'' Tony said. ''Do you know what he said to me?'' He didn't give Gibbs the chance to ask. ''He told me that I had to be more careful, he didn't want anymore costs for something stupid like this''

Tony looked up at Gibbs and saw the anger in the older mans eyes. He saw the man take deep breath to calm himself before he asked, ''You are sure you don't want me start a case?''

''He's not a marine, Gibbs. You can't do anything and I don't want others to find out. I'm going to be fine, just have to rest a few days so—''

''So what? So that you can build walls again? Saying your fine when your not and screaming over paper cut?'' Gibbs tried not to sound angry about it.

''I have lived with those _walls _everyday and it was going pretty well '' Tony said stubbornly.

''I don't want you to have these walls. We're friends and friends don't have walls. You're the one who taught me that''

Tony didn't know what to reply to that. ''I know'' He finally settle for. There was a few minutes of silence, before Tony spoke again. ''You were on time weren't you?''

''What?'' Gibbs was a little confused.

''You said that you were going to be here 7 pm a little after, you knocked on the door at 7:12, but you were on time. You heard the music'' Tony said, changing the subject.

''How did you know?'' Gibbs asked, impressed.

Tony smirked. ''one, you are never late and two, the first thing you did when he came in was looking at the guitar, that you stole glances to it the whole time while eating''

''Since when are you so observant?'' Gibbs asked amused.

''Always have, but at work it's just normal so it is not noticed'' Tony said with a flat tone. Gibbs stared at him in surprise by the tone. It was as if Tony was hurt. Then the expression on his face changed in a smirk again. ''Relax Gibbs, I know you notice, just don't say it all the time. I know how it works between you and me''

''You know, right now it's hard to separate your jokes and your seriousness'' Gibbs stated. ''Especially because you joke to hide your seriousness''

Tony relaxed a little for the first time in four days. He settled back into couch, grimacing at the painkillers were working less. He held onto his ribs and was careful to settle back into the couch.

''If you want to go to bed you can Tony'' Gibbs said to him.

''No, I'm not tired. Just still a little sore. When I'm not sore anymore without the drugs I just want to go to work and forget this happened''

''You think you'll see you're father again?'' Gibbs asked.

''I haven't see him in'' Tony paused. ''18 years. So I doubt I see him again in this short amount of time''

''Why the hesitation?''

''What?'' opened his eyes and looked at Gibbs confused.

''The years''

''Not good in math that's all'' Tony said simply.

''Yet you counted the days that Miguel found out'' Gibbs said.

''What are you getting at?'' Tony frowned.

''You weren't going to say 18 years, ever since your outburst, you are mistaking or hesitating every time about the years, like you want to say something else'' Gibbs pointed out. ''Like... 15 years?''

''You know what? I think I am tired'' Tony said and stood up quickly, despite the pain. He walked around the couch and stopped.

''Tony—'' Gibbs wanted to speak but was cut off.

''Blankets are still lying behind the couch. Feel free to grab a beer or something and use the bathroom'' He said. ''Good night''

Tony walked out of the living room and moments later Gibbs heard the bed room door slam shut harder then necessary.

Gibbs sighed. ''_Well that went great_'' He thought. Looking at his watch he saw that it was still early. 8:38 pm. He wanted to work on his boat, but he couldn't leave Tony now could he. He sighed again. ''_TV it is_'' He thought and turned on the TV.

**...**

It was a little over 1 am that night when Gibbs laid awake on the couch. He had decided that he hated this couch. You can't lie on this couch! He was thinking of the turn that Tony's mood made this evening. Tony refused to talk about the years incident and Gibbs wanted to know why.

His thoughts were interrupted by the stifled sound from the bedroom. Gibbs lifted up his head from the pillow and listened. After a few moment, he again heard the sound.

He straightened himself on the couch and ran a hand over his face after he saw that it was 00:23 am. He stood up and the sounds from the bedroom became clearer every step he took.

Standing in front of the door he knocked. ''Tony?'' He asked, but he didn't get a response. He opened the door quietly and peeked through the space.

Tony was tossing and turning in his bed, the blankets he had were lying on the floor and Tony had only his boxers on. ''No..'' he whispered in his sleep. ''Please stop...''

Gibbs frowned as his came into the room and approached Tony. ''Tony wake up'' He said quietly.

''Don't...'' Tony said. Gibbs looked closely and saw that Tony was completely covered in sweat. ''Please... it hurts''

Gibbs laid his hand on Tony shoulder and shook. ''Come on, Tony. Just a nightmare'' He said.

''Don't touch me!'' Tony yelled, but he remained asleep. He began to toss and turn with more force, to get the heaviness from his shoulder.

''Tony!'' Gibbs said louder and shook more as Tony fought back. ''DINOZZO!''

Tony eyes shut open and he jolted up to sit. Gibbs involuntarily tightened his grip on Tony's shoulders. A move that he regretted seconds after.

''Let go of me!'' Tony yelled, with tears in his eyes and he shoved his hands against Gibbs' chest, to created space between them. ''Please!'' he pleaded. ''Don't... don't touch me!''

''Tony, calm down! It's me!'' Gibbs tried as his hands went from Tony's shoulders to Tony's wrists. Tony stopped struggling, but his eyes were unfocused. They didn't look at something for more that a second. ''Tony... you hear me?'' Gibbs asked. ''_What the hell is wrong?_'' He thought to himself. This Tony scared the hell out of him. ''Tony. Tony focus''

Eventually Tony's eyes fell on Gibbs and looked at him. Well they stared, but it didn't look like he saw Gibbs. His eyes were full of fear and it was like they looked right through Gibbs' eyes at the wall behind him.

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs did the only thing he thought of and slapped Tony on the back of his head.

Tony flinched again. He looked up to Gibbs again an Gibbs saw the same fear of a moment ago, but the eyes were really looking at him. ''B.. boss?'' He whispered.

''Yeah DiNozzo'' Gibbs said softly. ''You with me now?''

''I'm...'' Tony paused and frowned. ''I'm not sure'' He said and began to shake uncontrollably as he looked down.

'Hey it's okay. It's over'' Gibbs tried to reassure him.

''I thought so too'' Tony said quietly. Gibbs reached out to Tony to put his finger under the younger mans chin, but Tony flinched away. Gibbs pulled back and stared at Tony. ''S.. sorry, I thought you were uhm...'' He trailed of. ''_stupid stupid stupid!_''

''You thought I was going to hit you?'' Gibbs asked thinking that Tony had a nightmare about his father.

Tony couldn't bring himself up to lie. ''No''

''Then what?'' Gibbs asked, trying to hide his frustration. Tony didn't answer, but did look up. The glassy eyes were still new to Gibbs. The shaking only got worse and he saw the glassy eyes starting to water. He never had seen Tony this way. So broken, afraid of something he didn't know. A moment later the expression on Tony's face changed again and Gibbs frowned as he saw Tony go green. ''Tony? You okay?''

Tony only had time to shake his head and then got up, winching at the pain in his chest and all but ran to the bathroom. Gibbs didn't hesitate to follow him and came into the bathroom the same time as Tony fell on his knees and started vomiting into the toilet.

He felt a hand begin to make circles on his bare back and spit one more time into the toilet, before flushing it. It was that moment when he really registered the pain of his ribs and fell down on his butt, sitting on the bathroom floor.

''Medication'' Tony succeeded to get out.

Gibbs nodded, went out of the bathroom. When he came back several moments later Tony had managed to go over to sit up against the wall, still catching his breath.

''Here'' Gibbs said as he handed the pills and a glass of water to Tony. He slit down next to Tony against the wall.

Tony looked at them in Gibbs' hand for a moment and took them. ''Thanks'' He said after he had swallowed them.

They sat there in silence for a moment as the pain in Tony's chest and back eased a little. ''You wanna tell me what it was about?'' Gibbs asked, breaking the silence.

''I don't remember'' Tony said quietly. If only that was true. He really wanted to forget. He looked at Gibbs and saw the glare. He sighed, knowing that Gibbs didn't believe a single word.

''Was it about why you were off the earth for two years, from your fifteen until you were 17?'' He asked.

Tony's eyes went wide. ''What do you know?'' He asked panicking already.

''Just that you stayed with Miguel and your aunt and uncle that summer when you were 15 and that you went missing for two day, you came back and went back to school and went disappeared from the worlds.. so to speak'' Tony looked down and didn't say anything. ''Was it about that?'' Gibbs repeated his earlier question.

Tony first didn't move, then Gibbs saw his head nod slightly, almost invisible. Gibbs watched Tony. He wanted to know what happened those days. Whatever it was it had a great impact on Tony then and it still has now.

''Tony, there are so many thoughts in my head about what could've happened back then... but I don't know anything for sure if you don't talk to me'' Gibbs began softly.

''Probably for the best, boss'' Tony said quietly. ''If I talk I throw up again... and then I lose everything that I accomplished''

''DiNozzo!'' Gibbs voice turned demanding. He was frustrated. He know he had to push. He didn't want to know. He had to know. _Needed _to know. ''What. Happened?''

''I'll will lose everything'' Tony repeated. He pulled his knees in and wrapped his arm around his legs. ''I'll lose myself... again''

''I won't let that happen'' Gibbs said sternly, wondering what he meant by 'again'. ''Where were you those two years?''

Tony didn't answer the question. ''Even though, the toilet is much closer this way for when I have to puke again'' Tony paused and sighed. ''Can we go to the living room?''

Gibbs nodded and stood up. He reached out a hand for Tony and frowned when Tony just stared at it. ''Tony, come on''

Tony looked up, taking every other part of Gibbs' body in with his eyes, until his met Gibbs eyes. ''_Stop it! Not now!_'' He mentally head slapped himself. He wrapped his fingers around Gibbs wrist and Gibbs did the same pulling Tony up.

Gibbs wasn't sure why, but after he pulled Tony up, he felt Tony shiver and saw a flash of another kind of fear, he couldn't quite place, wash over the younger mans face. Then Tony was out of bathroom with in seconds.

As Gibbs came into the living room too, he was surprised to see that Tony had wrapped a fleece blanket around himself, covering his whole body except his head. He sat in the corner of the couch, trying to be as small as possible. He registered the couch shifting. Gibbs sat down on it. It was silent and the minutes past by.

''Tony—'' Gibbs wanted to say but was cut off.

''After the summer I spent with Miguel, and my aunt and uncle...'' Tony began, purposely beginning at that point. ''I went back to Rhode Island''

''You went to school there, Military School'' Gibbs nodded slightly. He knew that.

''Yes...'' Tony said. ''Didn't do very good that semester'' He sneaked a glance at Gibbs, but his face was unreadable. Calm. He sighed and looked down again. ''I didn't go out at night. Came into fights with any roommate until I got a room of my own. I didn't sleep, didn't go to my classes at all...'' He trailed off.

''Why didn't you?'' Gibbs asked calmly, knowing that Tony had to keep talking.

''I couldn't be around... people'' Tony said not more that a whisper and beginning to stutter. ''The more I... I was... the m.. more felt like I was suffocating''

Gibbs watched him, but didn't say anything. He laid his hand on the couch and barely touched Tony's fingers with his finger. Wanted to give Tony some kind of comforting.

Tony took a couple of deep breathes to compose himself a little. ''I had talks with teachers and the nurse... principal... school counselors... I got anti-depression from the doctor'' Tony sighed and closed his eyes. ''One day it kinda got out of hand''

''Got out of hand, how?'' Gibbs asked softly, his gut was eating at him.

''Did you ever looked at my arms?'' Tony asked suddenly.

''Tony?'' Gibbs's voice was warning but, also concerned and confused.

''Forget I asked that...'' Tony dismissed. ''Well... after a month or two, everyone knew me as the weirdo of the school. I don't remember how... but I managed to keep the teachers from calling my dad. One day I walked through school, and the only thing I could hear was the others talking about me. Pointing at me. They weren't really bullying... but I was too far gone to know to the difference and I just.. uhm...'' Tony trailed off as his voice cracked. He cleared his throat. ''Promise me you won't hate me''

Gibbs' fingers, that once just touched Tony's, now wrapped around Tony's hand and squeezed. ''Nothing can make me hate you''

''I didn't wanted to hear them anymore... wanted silence. I didn't want to feel... dirty anymore'' Tony whispered.

Gibbs frowned at the last two words, not understanding where the precise chosen word came from. He knew what that meant though and somewhere back in his mind he had thought about it when Tony started talking that they were gossiping.

''What did you do?'' He half asked and half accusing him doing something bad. Which in this case was true, but a little inappropriate.

Tony stared at him, the words wouldn't— Couldn't come out of his mouth. Instead he just pulled up both sleeves until his elbows and and stretched out his arms, palms up to Gibbs. Gibbs stared at it. He didn't see anything at first, but then very faintly, precisely at the normal lines on a wrist he saw the the darker lines. The left completely in sync with the right and Gibbs had seen many cuts in his life to know this was purposely inflicted.

Tony eyes shot to look at Gibbs as he felt finger tips on his wrist. Gibbs was intently looking at the the two lines. Tony was the disappointment in his eyes. ''I'm sorry'' Gibbs whispered.

Tony's eyes widened. ''Gibbs? Why are you sorry? You didn't even know me back then''

''I don't know'' Gibbs said. ''I'm just really pissed that you felt so bad to even think about doing this'' He paused realizing that Tony had answered his question, but only saying how he felt after something happened, not what caused him to feel so bad. ''What happened to make you do this?''

''I told you... I couldn't take the gossiping anymore, everyone thinking I was a freak'' Tony tried.

''No I mean what happened those two days, when you went with your girlfriend'' Gibbs clarified, but the tone in his voice remained soft, getting upset or upsetting Tony wouldn't help.

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat. _Girlfriend_. _No, Peter_. ''I really don't want to talk about it''

''It's time Tony. You have to tell me now while you still at it, because I don't think you're going to be able to have another talk this heavy'' Gibbs explained.

Tony squeezed Gibbs' hands, but avoided eye contact. ''My father came and taught me one of his lessons that weekend''

Gibbs wanted to ask what Tony did to deserve his lesson, but stayed silent. He knew that his answer would eventually come while Tony told his story.

''I was just out with my date. We had met each other the year before that, we kept in touch through writing, while I was at boarding school and shared lots of things and grew closer even though we didn't see each other face to face. That's what that summer was all about... We had spend so much time together that summer'' He paused and looked at Gibbs. Gibbs saw the sadness in his eyes. ''We were truly happy Gibbs, even though we were just fifteen''

''I believe you'' Gibbs nodded sincerely. He and Shannon had met each other young too. A little older, but still very young.

''A couple of days before I had to go back to Rhode Island, I had planned a surprise... but I didn't go through'' Tony stopped again, closing his eyes as he remembered the day. ''...Gibbs there's something else you need to know, if you want to understand the punishment''

''Stop trying to stall and just tell me _everything_'' Gibbs said sternly.

''I waited, but... Peter didn't show up for our date'' Tony said and looked at Gibbs for his reaction. He was confused and relieved to see that Gibbs' face was unreadable.

Gibbs mind was running though. ''_Was that where Tony was so afraid of telling me?_'' He asked himself. ''_No time to think about it, Tony needs to tell me_''

''After 15 minutes I went to call him, but he didn't pick up. When I wanted to go to his house, a van pulled up at our spot. I knew that something was wrong, when men stepped out and walked towards me. I tried to get away but I was to late. I don't remember what happened then. All I know is that I woke up in a van and that they grabbed me and that's when I saw that we were by my old house. They dragged me to the office and...' Tony stopped and his breath hitched. He began to shake.

''My father yelled at me all about how I was a disgrace for the family name and that it was a sin. Then suddenly...'' He paused. ''the two man who had grabbed me stepped forward and he said. '_maybe we need to let you know how wrong it is, thinking about sex with another guy_'...'' Tony's voice cracked. ''It all happened so fast and they were so strong''

Now even Gibbs couldn't keep some kind emotion of his face anymore. His eyes were filled with anger and he squeezed Tony's hand hard.

''They threw me on the sofa and... ripped my clothes'' Tony was losing the battle keeping the images out of his mind and began to pant slightly as he continued. ''I knew what was coming... and I begged... my father to stop them'' Tears welled up in his eyes. ''He just turned and walked out of the room, leaving them to do what they were going to do. They were all over me... one at first and then the other. Or both at the same time. It hurt so bad...''

Gibbs closed his eyes as he pulled his hand from Tony's only to wrap it around the younger man and pulled him close to him. ''Ssshh. It's okay'' He tried to sooth.

''No it's not! They raped me Gibbs. I was still a virgin in both ways!'' Tony told him.

''But you're okay now. You have friends that will protect you, _I_ will protect you and if you want to talk about it I'll be here for that. I'm not big with words, but I can listen'' Gibbs' hand ran soothingly over the small of Tony's back. He felt Tony slowly calm down against him.

Truth was Gibbs wanted to hunt those man down and kill them, very very slowly. Especially Senior. Wait... ''Tony?''

Unable to say something just yet, Tony nodded, saying he heard him.

''Where... was Peter?'' Gibbs asked. Tony slowly raised his head from Gibbs' shoulder and looked at him. ''Did you hear from him?''

''No, not personally... my father said he had dealt with him. I didn't know... don't know what it means. But I couldn't find him anywhere. And still think it's too scary to look for him. Don't want.. you know... it to be a possibility that they did something to him'' Tony admitted.

''You think your father did something to him, more than he did to you?'' Gibbs asked.

''I don't know'' Tony said honestly. ''But I don't underestimate my father. I have for all those years and he keeps surprising me''

Gibbs didn't know how to react to that, but before he could say something, Tony let out a big yawn and didn't even realize that he went back to resting his head on Gibbs shoulder. ''You still feel like losing yourself?'' He asked quietly. He settled back against the backrest, pulling Tony with him. To his surprise Tony didn't protest and just stayed where he was, eyes closed.

''Less than I though I would be'' Tony mumbled. Sleep taking him over.

If Gibbs wanted to ask more, he stopped because he felt and heard Tony breath even out. He own mind was running. Tony had a relationship with a guy and he was raped because of that. His own father made two other guys rape Tony. He wanted to go on a hunt.

He didn't even think about Peter until now. Peter. Tony had a relationship with a guy and as far as he could tell he truly loved that guy and now he wasn't even sure if that guy was alive or not. At least Gibbs knew that Shannon was dead.

Protectively he positioned the blanket over Tony and himself and let himself also drift off to sleep.

* * *

_**The Song was: Green day - Time Of our Lives**_

_**So people! Let me know what you think in a review i hope i can update soon, if not than i'm sooooo sorry :(**_

_**Love ya! -X- Leonie**_


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